March 8, 2010

"In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God's unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you cannot pray effectively.]" I Peter 3:7 (Amplified Version)

I just returned from a 1,3oo mile round-trip trek for one reason - to honor one of the two women who have shaped my life - my mother. My traveling companion was my other significant woman, Barbara.

How have they impacted me? By loving me with a fierce and unconditional love. They have believe in me. They have prayed for me. They have sacrificed for me. They have challenged me and corrected me. They have stretched me and call the best out in me. They have inspired me by their faithful examples. They have shown me patience and grace.

Much of what I have learned about loving I have learned from them. My mother was the first to see some potential in me and Barbara still sees it.

The Scripture instructs us men to honor our wives. So why have I honored my mother? Simple, I learned how to honor my wife by first learning to honor my mother. I esteem them. I respect them. I cherish them. I fully recognize their value to me, but also to the world. Planet earth is a much better place because of who they are, how they live and how they love.

Both of these great women would be extraordinary people even if they had never known me. But I would not be anywhere near the person I am without them. I recognize their substantial worth and value to me and I treat them accordingly. Because they are so honorable it is easy to honor them.

What did you do today to give honor to your spouse? What will you do tomorrow? Will you set aside a few minutes and meditate on how much your spouse means to you and how they have enriched your life. As you remember all the honorable traits your spouse possesses, stop and thank God for them. And then honor them by humbly sharing the reasons why you value that spouse as much as you do.

And remember, probably the best way to honor your spouse is to be honorable! That is a good starting point!

March 7, 2010

"Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life." Ecclesiates 9:9

For several years I made a living as a salesman. I had to convince people that that sleek, shiny, and powerful piece of metal was well worth tens of thousands of their hard earned dollars. Not many people make a decision like that purely based on logic. I had to appeal to their emotions and help them believe that it made sense. The last thing I wanted was for them to make a logical decision. My job was to get them to lead with their heart and not their head.

Emotions are powerful. Everyone loves to feel good. But emotions are also unreliable and can easily lead you astray. Not everything you want to do you should do. And there are things you don't feel like doing that you must do.

I can only speak for myself but the times I have made poor decisions were the times when I led with my heart. While I was following my feelings there was a red flag waving in the back of my mind.

Life is so much better when you learn to let your head lead your heart. Ironically, you will feel better for longer! Not only will you feel better because of the decision you make you will feel better about the decision.

When it comes to love and marriage, you cannot be guided by your heart. But unfortunately, many are. Everything is aimed at your heart. All the music and all the media says, "Follow your heart." It sounds good. It seems to make sense. That is, until you try it. When you do buy into that line of reasoning you are cruisin' for some losin'!

 

The Bible tells us not the follow our heart but rather to lead our heart. How do we lead our heart? We lead our heart by thinking and acting according to God's Word. We let our thoughts guide our feelings. We "faith it" until we "feel it".

 

Choose to love your spouse with abandon. Fully commit to it. Do loving things and dwell on loving thoughts. Guard your heart and guide your heart according to Biblical principles. Delight yourself in loving your spouse and thank God continually for her.

 

If you have not been in the habit of doing this, will you try it today? Do something to demonstrate how you love and cherish her? What will that be?

March 6, 2010

“If a house is divided against itself that house will not be able to stand” Mark 3:25

You hear it at every wedding and you see it in the Bible and it sounds so wonderful – this thing about “two becoming one”.

How does that happen? That defies any mathematical formula known to man!

Obviously it is talking about unity.

You may think, “Well, if she would just agree with me all the time then we could get along!”

She might think the same thing. One thing is for sure, you can’t agree with one another all the time so how do you achieve unity when two people don’t always see things the same? How do you get it right when only one of you can be right?

To achieve unity and oneness in a marriage you have to learn to fight right and disagree agreeably.

Some of my best friends in ministry are guys that I have had heated disagreements with but because we both love God and we both loved the ministry and we loved each other, we fought through the issue in a godly way and learned to know and love each other even more.

That is what God wants for marriage. And your best chance at learning to fight right is to first learn what is right and fight for that. But how do I know what is right for my marriage? Ask God.

The key to fighting right is to learn what God says is right for your marriage and fight for that. That means that if my idea or my desire does not line up with what God’s Word says is best for my marriage then I give that up for the good of the relationship.

Several things that NEVER work and should be out of bounds in a fight:

1) Never drag up things from the past
2) Never resort to name calling
3) Never raise your voice
4) Never withhold sex as a weapon

You and your spouse should set down and establish rules for how to fight right. Use the Bible as your rulebook.

What will you do today to help you fight right? Will you fight through your disagreements and fight your way to a better marriage?

March 5, 2010

“Do not merely look out for your own personal interests but also the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4

I grew up in a very competitive environment and a very competitive family. None of us liked to lose. Somebody always has to.

Living in Indiana where basketball was a religion losing a basketball game was a catastrophe. Having a losing season was unacceptable. We never bought into that “winning isn’t everything” philosophy. And we scoffed at that “it isn’t whether you win or lose its how you play the game” nonsense. It was all about winning. I was fortunate enough to be part of teams that didn’t lose many, so I didn’t have to experience the agony of defeat very often.

And then I got married.

Marriage is an interesting relationship. Sometimes you can win and still lose. My competitive nature that had always served me well suddenly became a curse.

I discovered quickly that I needed to redefine a win. Actually it wasn’t that hard, I play the game and she tells me whether I won or lost.

Our Scripture verse tells us that our goal is to create win-win situations. Marriage should be a relationship in which each partner plays for the other so that both win. If I win and she loses, our relationship has lost. There should be no “I win you lose” scenarios.

In the larger context of this Scripture portion, it refers to the attitude of Jesus Christ, Who willingly lost everything so we could get a win over sin. His loss was our win. But ultimately He won because He pleased God. That is the consummate winning attitude and it is the attitude that builds a winning marriage.

When you have a husband playing to get wins for his wife and you have a wife looking for ways to help her husband win, the big winner is the marriage.

Creating win-win situations in marriage leaves little room for stubbornness, little room for pride, and little room for competitive contexts.
Do you recognize any prideful attitudes that are keeping you from creating win-wins? Are there area of stubbornness that are creating problems in your marriage? Where do you need to “take one for the team” today?

March 4, 2010

"In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Ephesians 5:28

What do you "cherish"?

I'll bet that if you make a list of the things you cherish those things would all be somehow related to you and what you value most in relationship to yourself. If you made your top ten list of most cherished things you would discover that it is all about you! You cherish them because they add value to your life or to your bottom line.

One of the ways to identify the things you cherish most is to think about the things you take the best care of. What things do you take the most care to protect? You protect what you cherish. You hold onto it carefully.

No wonder that Paul when talking about marriage admonishes men to "cherish" their wives. You should value her greatly. You should hold her tightly. You should protect her realizing that she adds great value to you. You should seek to add to her value. Regard her as a treasure of great worth.

"Cherish" is a verb. Verbs require action. "Cherishing" your wife requires you to do something. "Cherish" is a natural expression of love. You cannot love something or someone and not cherish it.

Do you cherish your spouse? Do they know it? How would they know? What are you doing to express your love to them? What will you do today to show your spouse how much you cherish them? What will you say? How will you treat them?

March 3, 2010

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

In a world of deadlines, limitations, and expiration dates, it is hard to grasp the limitless nature of God. We aren't familiar with things that don't end. Our finite world struggles to come to grips with the infinite love of God. He is a God Who doesn't fall in and out of love depending on His mood or the present circumstances. Loving is not just something He DOES, it is WHO HE IS! His love has no limits because He is love and He has no limits.

Our text today is one of many verses that refer to the "agape" or unconditional love of God. It is love that was lived out in the Person and life of Jesus. He is the best picture we have of what unconditional love looks like.

Unconditional love demonstrates. It expresses itself in loving, selfless actions. Jesus coming to earth from the glory of Heaven was a demonstration of God's love but it was also a selfless act of love by Jesus. He proved God's love by coming according to God's plan. That required Him to surrender His rights and privileges as the Son of God to become the Son of Man. If the measure of love is shown in the extravagance of a gift, Jesus demonstrated ultimate love by His coming.

Unconditional love dies. Not only did God prove His love by sending His Son from Heaven to earth, but Jesus also died to atone for the sins of the world. The One man Who never sinned had to become the sacrifice for sin. He paid for sins that were not His own. He suffered the ultimate injustice to provide justice for us. Why would He do that? LOVE! Love with no limits.

This verse does not day that "God so loved us if......." It does not say that "God so loved us when...." It just says that He loved us and showed it by coming and by dying. You could say that He is dead serious about loving us.

The word used in this God-type of love is the same love standard required of spouses for each other. Finite creates that we are must love one another with an infinite unconditional love. Your love for each other is not an "if" love, or a "when" love, or a "because" love. It is a committed love that is demonstrated by selfless living and by dying to self. It has little to do with emotion and everything to do with action.

How do you love like that? You don't! You "submit" to His love and "line up" with His love so He can love your spouse through you.

Believe in His unconditional love. Receive His unconditional love. Demonstrate that love today by doing and by being what your spouse needs you to do and be in order to feel loved. Let God's love flow through you without conditions, without limits and without fail. Love them as He loves you. It is a forever love - but it begins now!

March 2, 2010

"Greet one another with a kiss of love." I Peter 5:14

Whenever I return home and walk in the door I am assured of a warm and enthusiastic greeting - from my dog!

What sort of greeting do you give when you see your spouse? Is your greeting as sincere and passionate as your family pet? Do you meet them with a smile, a smooch or a squeeze? Or do you have a complaint or a "to do" list awaiting them?

The greeting thing works both ways. Not only should you expect to receive a warm welcome when you return home, you should bring one with you. You can be the hugger even if you aren't the hugee! And you can give a smile and a kiss even if you don't receive one.

If your home is going to be a refuge and a retreat it must begin at the front door. When you are thinking right toward your spouse all day. If you are communicating throughout the day via texts, emails or phone calls, you will eagerly look forward to returning home. The greeting is set up by the events of the day. If you bring an occasional gift you will significantly increase your chances of getting a warm and romantic welcome.

Outward affection is an indicator of inward attitudes. Learn a lesson from your pooch. Practice unconditional love by way of a warm and sincere welcome. When it comes to giving your spouse a

gracious greeting - treat him like a dog!