February 25, 2010

"How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand. When I awoke, [could I count to the end] I would still be with You." Psalm 139:17-18

As a kid we would play pick-up football games or baseball games and before we started the game we would choose up sides. The two oldest guys or the two judged as best players would be the captains and they would take turns picking their players from the assembled group. It was a crude and simplified version of the NFL draft. Where you were chosen was important because it showed what they thought of you. If there were ten guys to be chosed you didn't want to be number nine or ten.

It matters what others think of us. It probably matters more than it should, but it is important to us to know that other people are thinking of us and that they think well of us. What others think of us goes into the mix of how we form our opinions of ourselves. The more significant that person is to us the more impact their thoughts have on us.

Therefore, it is good to know that God is always thinking of us. He thought about us before we were. In fact, we exist because He thought of us. We are His idea! And even more inspiring is that He not only thinks of us but He thinks well of us! He loves us!

If you are on the mind of the One Who loves you most, should not the ones you love most be in your thoughts? Do you not desire to be on the mind of those who love you? Doesn't it matter what they think of you? Is it not important that they affirm you and your value?

Keep you mind turned toward God and tuned to Him. Let Him dominate your thoughts and put His Word in your memory banks. Meditate on Him. And when He flashes thoughts of others through you mind, respond to that. Pray for that person. Call them. Send them a card, or a text or an email to let them know you thought of them. That shows them that they matter to you just like you matter to God.

Celebrate the fact that you matter to God! Live in the assurance that you are always on His mind. Fix your thoughts on Him and let those closest to you know you are thinking of them. Do something thoughtful today for those you love most.

Think about it - then do it!

February 24, 2010

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor." Romans 12:10

Well here I go with another "Momism". The theme of this verse reminded me of it.

My mother always says, "A person wrapped up in himself makes a pretty small package

Our third challenge to the "Love Dare" in addition to patience and kindness is the challenge of overcoming selfishness. And since we are all selfish by nature, we face an uphill battle against selfishness.

I'm sure we can agree that two selfish people entering an intimate relationship like marriage is not a formula for success. In fact, every marriage that fails is due in some way to selfishness contaminating the relationship. Since the church also consists of intimate relationships, selfisness can also be destructive there.

So, what is the "unselfish" or "anti-selfish" thing to do for your marriage spouse?

Devote yourself to your partner. The word means to "earnestly attach" yourself to someone or something. It means to throw yourself entirely into the relationship and not have a backup plan. Devotion means that you "earnestly attach" yourself to your spouse with no thought or plan for detatching.

In addition, the Scripture says you must "honor" your spouse. That means that you regard them with respect and give them worth. That starts with adjusting your attitude and thinking to affirm that your marriage is worth your best effort and your spouse is worth your highest respect.

Here's the bottom line for this third Love Dare challenge - your marriage IS NOT ABOUT YOU! You marriage is about honoring God and your partner by keep the promises you have made. It is about living in devotion and honor for God and receiving His unconditional love. When you do that you will get over your selfishness and love your spouse.

Get over yourself.

February 23, 2010

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

On day one of the Love Dare I focused on making a special effort not to try Barbara's patience. Since she had the harder part of the challenge I wanted to make it easier for her. I believe it is easier for me to be patient toward her than it is for her to be patient toward me.

And sure enough, there was one instance that happened beyond my control but I know it bothered her. But she exercised patience and I noticed. This morning I thanked her for it.

That brings us to the challenge for today - kindness.

Patience tends to be a reactive thing. Something you do may require me to respond with patience.

But kindness is proactive. I can be kind to you first! I can initiate the action. Patience may consist of something I choose not to do, but kindness is always expressed through action.

Kindness, like patience is associated with the Fruits of the Spirit. Each is a manifestation of God's Spirit at work through me. Kindness causes me to do something good for your good. The root word for kindness is closely associated with the words for grace and for unconditional love. Kindness acts for the good of another regardless of how that person may act toward me.

My mother always taught me to "kill them with kindness". Obviously, kindness has no fatal consequences nor would it associated with such actions. But the truth is contained in this verse would literally agree with this expression. When you choose to be kind no matter how others treat you, your constant and continual kindness will trump their unkind acts. Therefore, kindness "kills" the negative impact of their unkindness.

Today, you can be kind no matter what. You can treat your spouse kindly and be committed to her good in all you do. Kindness expresses your love and commitment to your spouse.

Let kindness guide your actions and decisions to day - but also do something especially kind to bring out the best in your spouse and assure her of your love!

February 22, 2010

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2

When I was a child my mother taught me to stop and count to ten before getting angry. I didn't realize it at the time but she was teaching me patience. At the time I barely knew how to count.

So, from that day forward I really had no excuse for getting angry or being impatient. But did I ever get angry? Uh.........yep! Have I been impatient? Unfortunately.

Did I forget how to count?

No, I did not forget how to count I just forgot to do it.

Could it be that difference between an angry impatient person and a person practicing patients is ten seconds?

Yes, I do!

James says, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry"

That sounds a lot like what my mother said.

Give yourself a ten count before you act in anger. That gives you a ten-times better chance of avoiding anger or doing something hurtful. It also gives God's Spirit ten seconds to counsel you and console you. If you take ten seconds and still choose to act in anger, then you have a big problem - and you are the problem!

The first challenge in our Love Dare is to intentionally pursue patience. Make a deliberate choice to ehow patience to your spouse. Our Scripture verse instructs you to humble yourself, be gentle, and choose patience "bearing with one another in love". "Bearing" means "forebearance". It means that you overlook something that irriates and extend grace toward the person who did it. You absorb the irritation while you count to ten.

So, as you begin to live out the Love Dare, you may be just ten seconds away from developing patience toward your spouse. Your ten seconds must be preceeded by ten minutes in the Word and another ten minutes on your knees.

I want to be more patient. I will take the Love Dare and I will do the hard work.

Will you? Well..............I'm waiting.............

February 21, 2010

“HEATING UP YOUR HOME LIFE”

Week One – “Cherishing The Differences” Ephesians 5:21-23; 33

This morning we are going to begin our six-week, 40 Day study by stating the obvious – MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT!


John Gray made a fortune with his book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” where he elaborated on the differences between men and women.


This morning we are going to talk about how to cherish the differences between men and women so that husbands and wives can learn to cherish each other. For a backdrop we are going to draw from the movie “FIREPROOF”

Many of you have seen this movie about a couple named Caleb and Catherine whose marriage is disintegrating and neither one of them really cares. They have been married for seven years and they have definitely lost that lovin’ feeling. Part of the reason for their struggles was not knowing how to cherish their differences.

How Do I Cherish These Differences So I Can Cherish My Spouse?

While we are using the movie for a background we are going to use the Word of God for our authority – so turn in your Bibles to Ephesians 5:21-23: 33

There are three FIREPROOFING principles here in these verses that can help a man and woman cherish the differences and cherish each other.

CHERISH THIS: Marriage Works Best When Both Husband And Wife Give Up Their Rights For The Benefit Of The Other

“submit” = “hupotassonmenoi” = TO LINE UP UNDER or TO GIVE UP YOUR RIGHTS.

It appears in verse 21 pertaining to the man and the woman and then again in verse 22 referring to the woman. So what it is really saying is, GIVE UP YOUR RIGHTS TO ONE ANOTHER OR ALIGN WITH EACH OTHER’S RIGHTS.

The Bible commands marriage partners to each surrender their own rights and look out for the best interests of the other.

Many of the problems Caleb and Catherine had were directly related to their desire to cling to their rights over the rights of their spouse. When two people are each jockeying for their individual rights they put themselves at odds with each other. Instead of COMPLETING EACH OTHER THEY END UP COMPETING WITH EACH OTHER.

It makes sense doesn’t it? Giving up our rights is basic to being able to meet the needs of the other. If Barbara asks me to take out the trash and I am sitting at the computer or watching a game on TV to meet her need I must line up under her desire and submit to her request. So, I give up my right to check my email or watch the next five minutes of the game and carry out the trash.

Mutual submission is one of the difficult – but necessary principles of a successful marriage.

Men, imagine what would happen if your wife sat down with you tomorrow and said, “Honey, I have been making some selfish demands of you, and I’m sorry. I want you to know I am giving up those rights and I am lining up under you. I will no longer demand you become who I think you should be and really get to appreciate who you are.”

What would that do for you?

Women, imagine what would happen if your husband sat down with you tomorrow and said, “Baby, I know there are some things you have needed from me and I have not been willing to line up with them. But starting today I promise to do everything I can to meet your needs as I understand them.

Would that make a difference?

Verse 25 says, “Husbands love your wives…..”

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” I Peter 3:7

What Are Husbands Supposed To Do? --- LOVE THEIR WIVES

What Are Wives Supposed To Do? ---- RESPECT THEIR HUSBANDS

You cannot do either if you cling to your rights to the exclusion of your partner’s needs.

You say, “Brad, this is really hard! How do I do this?”

The Scripture makes it clear that if your are going to “line up under” or “give up your rights” to your partners you have to first submit to Christ and surrender your rights to Him and line up with His will, His needs.

WHERE DO I NEED TO “LINE UP UNDER” CHRIST? WHERE DO I “NEED TO LINE UP” WITH MY SPOUSE’S NEEDS?

SUBMIT TO EACH OTHER

CHERISH THIS: Marriage Works Best When We Understand There Are Differences And Act Accordingly.

You Know A Principle Is True When It Shows Up In A Country Western Song:

When you see a deer, you see BambiAnd I see antlers up on the wallYou see a lake you think picnicsAnd I see a large mouth up under that log.
You're probably thinkin' that you're gonna change meIn some ways, well, maybe you mightScrub me down, dress me upOh, but no matter what, remember, I'm still a guy.
When you see a priceless French paintingI see a drunk naked girlYou think that riding a wild bull sounds crazyAnd I'd like to give it a whirl.
Well, love makes a man do some things he ain't proud ofAnd in a weak moment I mightWalk your sissie dog, hold your purse at the mallBut remember, I'm still a guy.
And I'll pour out my heart, hold your hand in the carWrite a love song that makes you cryThen turn right around, knock some jerk to the ground'Cause he copped a feel as you walked by.
I can hear you now talkin' to your friendsSayin', yeah girls, he's come a long wayFrom draggin' his knuckles and carryin' a clubAnd buildin' a fire in a cave.
But when you say a backrub means only a backrubAnd you swat my hand when I tryWell, now what can I say at the end of the dayHoney, I'm still a guy.

From the moment of birth, little girls have more lip movement than boys. In a Harvard study of hundreds of preschoolers, researchers found that 100% of the sounds coming from little girls mouths were words, whereas only 60% of the sounds coming from boys were words. The other 40% were yells and sound effects.

Those differences persist into adulthood. Communication experts say that the average woman speaks 25,000 words a day, while the average man speaks a little over 10,000. What does that mean in marital terms? Very often it means a man has used up most of his 10,000 words at work…..while his wife is just warming up!

Gary Smalley asked thousands of women how much time they needed with their husbands in meaningful conversation. A wife says 45 minutes to an hour each day. What did their husbands say? “Fifteen to twenty minutes --- once or twice a week.”

These differences are what make marriage challenging – but also can make it wonderful.

WOMEN, HERE”S SOME THINGS THAT WILL HELP……

LOOK FOR HERO IN HIM

MOVE INTO HIS WORLD

NIX THE NAG

Try these phrases:

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!

I BELIEVE IN YOU!

YOU DO THAT SO WELL

MEN, TRY THIS…… IF SHE IS NAGGING YOU MAY NOT BE LISTENING

Show Your Love To Her By Sitting Down And Actually Listening To Her. Hear Her Heart And Her Dreams. Look Into Her Eyes. Gaze Into Her Soul. Know Who She Is. Affirm Who She Is. Find How You Can Serve Her. How Can You Complete Her?

“Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed... Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.” John Gray

Men need respect – Wives, will you submit to that need?

Women need love – Husbands, will you submit to that need?

CHERISH THIS: Marriage Works Best When Understand And Remember That Something Bigger Than Marriage Is Happening – You Are Preparing For Heaven.

God was passionate about living in relationship with us. But Adam & Eve refused to submit and failed to line up with His will – so sin separated Him from His Creation. So God sent Someone that He was passionate about – HIS SON – to pay the price for our sin and to redeem us and bring us back into fellowship with the Father.

After Jesus returned to Heaven He made it known that those who came to know Him by faith were to come together in a spiritual community called “The Church” – “The Ekklessia” or “Called Out Ones”. The church was to be the Body of Christ in the world – the visible presence of His love and grace and power in the world.

Jesus was passionate about the Church because He is passionate about people and passionate about God. So much so that He referred to the Church as His Bride and the relationship between Christ and His Church is representative of marriage.

So Jesus couldn’t claim to be passionate about God and be indifferent toward God’s people. Jesus couldn’t claim to be passionate about God’s people and be casual toward the church. It all hangs together. That is one of the main points of this portion of Scripture. Love for God must be expressed through marriage and worship.

IN THE SAME WAY, YOU CAN’T SAY YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT GOD AND BE CASUAL ABOUT YOUR WIFE. NOR CAN YOU BE PASSIONATE ABOUT GOD AND BE CASUAL TOWARD HIS CHURCH.

Men – What will I do this week to make my wife feel loved?

Women – What will I do this week to make my husband feel respected?

February 20, 2010

"This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church." Ephesians 5:32

Everyone is passionate about something. The challenge is to be passionate about the right thing. And, if you are passionate about the wrong thing you must be willing to change.

A good question to consider is, "What was Christ passionate about? If you call yourself a believer should you not also be passionate about what Christ was passionate about?"

According to this portion of the Scriptures, Christ's passion was the Church. In fact, the Church is referred to as His "bride" and His relationship to His Church is to be the example of how men love their wives.

So, by implication, believers should be passionate about Jesus and if they are passionate about Jesus they will also be passionate about the Church. According to this Scripture, you cannot be passionate about Christ and be casual toward the Church.

Maybe you have never thought about it before, but there is an inextricable link between your relationship Christ, the Church and your spouse. You cannot be passionate about Christ and be casual toward your church. You cannot be passionate about Christ and be casual about your marriage. There is a passion pipeline that flows from Heaven to your heart.

If you have professed to be passionate about Christ and yet have become casual toward the church - take a hard look at your life. And if you claim to be passionate about your faith but are lukewarm toward your marriage - it is time for a heart check.

One of the primary expressions of your passion for Christ and His Church is demonstrated by your passion for your spouse. Over the next 40 Days we will be taking a hard look at that. It will be hard work but the payoff will be HUGE!

Get your passion in the pipeline and your faith gets stronger, your church gets stronger, and your marriage gets sweet!

February 19, 2010

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:21

I just listened to Tiger Woods' press conference.

I conditioned myself to hear it sincerely and not with cynicism. Even though I bought into the hype about his image and therefore, was seriously disappointed when the truth about him was exposed. Also, I deal in grace and redemption, so I extended him grace.

Having listened sincerely, I heard some sincerity. He took full responsibility for his behavior and showed an understanding and disdain for the thinking that lured him into that behavior. He recognized those whom had suffered most from his selfishness and humbly apologized to them.

Obviously, I would have much rather have heard him say that he had repented to God for his sins and turned to faith in Jesus Christ. Instead, he shared his intention to return to his Buddhist faith. I will pray for him and hope you will, too.

The timeliness of Tiger's statement did not escape me. On the eve of our 40 Day Focus on marriage, his highly publicized transgressions remind us of the relevance of what we will be studying.

Everything that Tiger did wrong, you are capable of doing. So am I. Every temptation he faced, you have faced. So have I. Therefore, learn from him. Hear his confession. Feel his pain. Just as he fell, so can you. The sort of self-centered entitlement mentality that sucked him into the decisions and behaviors can do the same for you and me.

The only hope for Tiger, for you or for me, is to hear the truth of Ephesians 5:22-33. Only by submitting to God - "lining up with Him and giving up your rights" and by submitting to your partner - "lining up with him and giving up your rights" - will you ever truly be able to honor God. Not only will you honor God but you will receive His love, mercy, grace and peace. Only as you receive those blessing from Him can you extend them to your spouse.

As you see Tiger in the news and as you hear his statements replayed and critiqued and discussed and dissected over these next few days, let it serve to remind you that but by the grace of God that could be you. And by the grace of God, humbly submit to Him so that you can make sure it never will be you.