March 14, 2010

“HEATING UP YOUR HOME LIFE”

WEEK FOUR – “Confronting Love Leaks” II Corinthians 10:4-5

"The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." II Corinthians 10:4-5

Growing up in a cold weather climate I learned the hard way that heat escapes through your head. If you cover your head with a stocking cap and keep your head warm your whole body will stay warmer. But I was too vain to where a cap so I stayed cold in order to look cool.

JUST AS HEAT ESCAPES THROUGH THE HEAD, THE WARMTH OF LOVE AND ROMANCE CAN LEAK BY WAY OF THE MIND WHEN YOU GET CARELESS IN YOUR THOUGHT LIFE.

Do you have some love leaks in your life? Are there careless thought patterns that are allowing the love and romance to leak out of your life? I want to talk about that this morning as we continue our 40-Day Focus on “Heating Up Your Home Life”. God created you and wired you to need an intimate spiritual relationship with Him and an intimate personal emotional and sexual relationship with a spouse. And He wired you so that the sexiest part of your body is your mind. Your ability to enjoy fulfilling intimate relationships with God and with your spouse is largely dependent on how successful you are in controlling your thoughts,

Turn In Your Bible To II Corinthians 10:4-5

WHAT ARE LOVE LEAKS?

ATTITUDES – HOW YOU THINK

Self-Centeredness – Me First! My Needs Matter Most!
Resentment - You Are Not Meeting My Needs/Expectations!
Anger – You Hurt Me And I Will Get Even!
Unforgiveness – I Can’t Get Over What You’ve Done To Me!
Negativity – Constantly Focusing On What’s Wrong With Them

AFFECTIONS – WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT

Family
Finances
Flirting

Friendships
Fun
Fantasizing

ADDICTIONS – WHAT CONTROLS MY THOUGHTS

Work
Substance Abuse
Pornography

Stats About The Power Of Pornography:

Revenue Generated By Pornography Worldwide – (2006 Statistics) - $97 Bil.
Average Number Of Monthly Visits To Adult Websites Worldwide – 72 Million
Percentage Of Men 18-34 Who Visit A Porn Website Monthly – 70%
Percentage Of Internet Porn Involving Children – 20%
Divorces In Which Excessive Internet Pornography Was A Factor – 50%+
Percentage Of Families Who Say Pornography Is A Factor In Their Home – 47%
Average Ages Of First Exposure To Pornography – 11 Years Old
Percentage Of Children Aged 8 To 16 Who Have Viewed Pornography Online – 90%

The most used websites on the net are pornography websites.

Talk About How I Realized Porn Is A Problem:

Pastors Who Confided In Me……
One Of My First Ministerial Meetings In Princeton…..
Personal Knowledge Of The Power Of Its Temptation…..

HOW DO THESE LEAKS HAPPEN?

Casualness – “It’s Not That Bad, I Can Handle It”

Here's the testimony of someone who thought he could handle it....

“Not everyone who sees porn will become addicted to it. Some will just come away with toxic ideas about women, sex, marriage and children. That kind of damage is bad enough. And porn isn't the only ingredient in addiction. Usually, those who become addicted have some kind of emotional opening that allows the addiction to really take root. The porn companies don't mind at all if you become completely addicted to their product. It's great for business. An addicted customer keeps coming back for more. You don't have to shoot up any drug with a needle to get addicted to porn — your body will make its own drugs just by looking at the pictures. Dr. Victor Cline says that sex and pornography can be a more difficult addiction to break than cocaine”.

Five Stages of Addiction



1.Early exposure. Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see the stuff when they are very young, and it gets its foot in the door.



2.Addiction. Later comes addiction. You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're hooked. You can't quit.

3.Escalation. After a while, escalation begins. You start to look for more and more graphic porn. You start liking porn that would have disgusted you when you started.

4.Desensitization. Eventually, you start to become numb. Even the most graphic, degrading porn doesn't excite you anymore. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again but can't find it.

5.Acting out sexually. At this point, many men make a dangerous jump and start acting out sexually. They move from fantasy images of porn to the real world.

“When I personally got to the "acting out phase," I started fantasizing about what it would be like to actually rape a woman. I finally tried it one night when I saw a woman who "fit" the scenario that porn had taught me to look for. I was lucky. Very lucky. I didn't go through with it. After being reported, arrested and spending some time in jail, I finally was able to begin the process of weeding out the lies in my life that porn had put there.”

Carelessness – “I Deserve It Because My Needs Are Not Being Met”

Pornography communicates its own "truths" about women. Unfortunately, they're all lies:

1.Lie: Women are less than human. The women in Playboy magazine are called "bunnies," making them cute little animals or "playmates," making them a toy. Porn often refers to women as animals, playthings, or body parts. The idea that women are real human beings with thoughts and emotions is played down.

2. Lie: Women are a "sport." Some sports magazines have a swimsuit issue. This suggests that women are just some kind of sport. Porn views sex as a game and in a game: You have to win, conquer or score.

3. Lie: Women are property. It's common to see pictures of the slick car with the sexy girl draped over it. The unspoken message is, "Buy one, and you get them both." Hard-core porn carries this even further. It displays women like merchandise in a catalogue, exposing them as openly as possible for the customer to look at. It's not surprising that many young men think that if they have spent some money taking a girl out, they have a right to have sex with her. Porn tells us that women can be bought.

4. Lie: A woman's value depends on the attractiveness of her body. Overweight or less attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called dogs, whales, pigs or worse, simply because they don't fit into porn's criteria of the perfect woman. Porn doesn’t care about a woman's mind or personality, only her body.

5. Lie: Women like rape. "When she says no, she means yes" is a typical porn scenario. Porn teaches men to enjoy hurting and abusing women for entertainment.

Callousness – “It Makes Me Feel Good And That’s All That Matters”

HOW DO WE CLOSE LOVE LEAKS?

Confront It – I Have A Problem And It Has Control Over Me
“When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” James 1:13-15

Confess It – I Have Sinned Against God And My Spouse And I Am Sorry
“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:8-9

Commit It – In God’s Strength I Will Overcome This
“How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” Psa. 119:9-11

Correct It – I Will Change My Thinking And My Behavior
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

www.netnanny.com - $30/yr.
www.christianinternetfiltering.net - $4.50/month
www.safefamilies.org - Free
www.wisechoice.net - $50/yr. Cannot Be Bypassed
SafeEyes – creates internet logs, and can call or email spouse to alert them to your activity – available for pc/mac/mobile phone – www.internetsafety.com - $50/yr.

A Couple Of Websites To Help With Accountability:

www.menofintegrity.com xxxchurch.com www.covenanteyes.com

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” II Corinthians 10:4-5

“I made a covenant with my eyes to never look at a girl lustfully” Job 31;1

WILL I LET MY EYES GUIDE MY THOUGHTS OR WILL I SURRENDER TO GOD AND MAKE MY THOUGHTS CONTROL WHAT I SEE?

I REALIZE MY DESIRE FOR MORE INTIMACY IN MY MARRIAGE

I RECOGNIZE LOVE LEAKS IN MY LIFE ARE KEEPING ME FROM INTIMACY

I RENOUNCE LOVE LEAKS IN MY LIFE

I REPENT OF THOSE LOVE LEAKS IN MY LIFE

I WILL REPAIR THEM BY CHANGING THIS BEHAVIOR TODAY:

March 13, 2010

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

You were created to love and to be loved. You will never find emotional or spiritual fulfillment until you know you are.

Since you have already established that loving others unconditionally is above your pay grade, our thought for today is very important. If you are going to love as God created you to love you will have to accept His Love Dare!

In the verse today God is saying, "I dared to love you by sending Christ, and I dare you to receive my love!"

Will you dare to receive God's love by receiving His Son? Will you enter into a love relationship with Him by faith? Will you choose to allow Him to love through you?

At this halfway point of the 40 Day Focus, will you make sure you can do the deal?

How?

CONFESS! You don't have a love problem you have a sin problem. Your sin separates you from a relationship with a holy God and keeps you from experiencing His love. If you have never confessed to God that you are a sinner, you are remaining isolated from His love. Consider what God's Word promises - "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." I John 1:8-9

REPENT! The evidence that you truly understand your sin problem is that you will feel a sense of sorrow over your sinfulness and you will have a desire to turn from your sin. The word "repent" gives the image of a "u-turn". Repenting means that you stop running away from God's love and begin running toward it! "In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent." Acts 17:30

BELIEVE! Once you understand your spiritual situation and your inability to save yourself then you need to turn to God for salvation. You will need to believe that Jesus is the only Way to God and that there is no other way of salvation. Here's what the Bible promises, "Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him." John 3:36

RECEIVE! God's love is a precious gift. As a gift you don't earn it or purchase it but you receive it. God offers it to you and you take it from Him. The whole point and proof of how much God loves you is that He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross so that the penalty of your sins could be paid by Him. So, since He purchased the gift, you can receive it. Will you? Here's what the Bible says, "Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God" John 1:12

How do you receive this gift? By praying to God and saying something simple and sincere like, "Dear God, I need your love. I understand that I am a sinner and my sin separates me from your love. I confess that I am a sinner and I am sorry for my sin. I intend to turn from my sin and with your strength I will live for you. By faith I believe that Jesus is the Son of God and I receive Him as my Savior. Come into my life. Change my heart. Transform my mind. Let me experience your great love! In Jesus Name, amen."

That is God's Love Dare! He dares you to enter into His love and allow Him to love through you!

I double-dog dare you!

March 12, 2010

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God." I John 4:7

It would be nice to be able to do a flying 360 slam dunk. But that's impossible for me.

How great would it be to play Michael Jordan one-on-one and whip him? That's not going to happen.

I would love to be able to play in the Master's Tournament at Augusta National next month. But it is an impossibility.

It would be a dream come true if I could play catcher for the New York Yankees for just one game. That will not happen.

I think it would be a rush to drive a NASCAR stock car for ten laps around Daytona, but that is impossible for me.

These are a few of many impossible dreams that have rattled around in cranium over the years. None of those will ever happen because I just don't possess the ability to accomplish any of them.

What does this have to do with anything? Where am I going with this?

As impossible as these scenarios are, they are no more impossible than fulfilling God's command to love my wife with an unconditional love. That is way above my capabilities. I have about as much chance of winning this year's Master's Tournament as I do loving Barbara with an unconditional love.

Here's the good news - "For nothing is impossible with God...."

Here's the good news - "love comes from God....."

What is impossible with me is possible with God. He never intended me to love Barbara with my own love. He expects me to respond to His love, to submit to it, to receive it, and to allow His love to flow through me.

I can never be a world-class athlete. I will never be able to peform at the highest level in any of the sports I enjoy. BUT I can be a world-class lover of my wife! I can be a godly husband who pleases God and meets the needs of my wife.

All of these dreams are equally impossible. But one of them IS attainable. Fortunately, that is the one that counts the most!

How about you? Are you chasing some impossible dreams? Why not focus on the one that God has called you to? Why not let Him love your spouse through you? Why not accomplish one impossible dream in your lifetime?

March 11, 2010

"Good understanding produces favor." Proverbs 13:15

Think about the things you love the most. One of things that is true of them is that the more you get to know and understand about them the more you love them.

I love Jesus. I have been walking with Him and learning of Him for over 50 years and as my understanding grows my love increases. I will never tire of loving Him.

I love the Word of God. I have read it for over 50 years and have studied it seriously for 40 years and the more I understand it the more it amazes me! I will never stop loving the Word.

I love the Church. I have been in a local church for 50 years and have led local churches for nearly 40 years. The more I learn of it and the better I understand its dynamics the more I love it. If I had another life I would gladly give it to serve the local church.

The first time I played golf I was a teen-ager and I knew very little about it. But it was love at first tee shot. From that first round I could not get enough of it. The more I played it and practiced it and understood it, the more I wanted to play it and practice it and master it! I hope there is golf in Heaven because I don't get enough time to play it here on earth!

Recently I was visiting in my home town in Indiana. I went to a high school basketball game where my beloved Warsaw Tigers were playing in a tournament game. Having been away from Indiana for awhile I forgot how intensely passionate Hoosiers are about their high school hoops. As I watched the 0ne reason they do is because they understand the game so well, they really know their basketball!

More importantly, the loved ones in my life grow more precious and appealing to me the more I get to know and understand them. That is especially true of Barbara. When I first met her I thought she was too good to be true. She couldn't actually be as wonderful as she seemed. I had to get to know her better and understand what makes her tick. So, I committed myself to that pursuit. Twenty three years later I am still discovering that she is as good as she seems. And, in fact, she is even better! The more I know her the more I want to know her!

How about you? Whom do you know that you want to know better? How much effort and energy are you devoting to understand your spouse better? How willing are you to be known?

Greater knowledge and understanding lead to deeper love. Be careful where you aim your heart and mind!

What will you do today to get to know your spouse better?

March 10, 2010

“You know me when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, and are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, behold O Lord, You know it all.” Psalm 139:2-4

The Psalmist wrapped his mind around the wonders of the intimate love of God. Understanding that the One Who knows us best loves us most is awe-inspiring, especially since there are things we don’t love about ourselves and are ashamed to admit to others. Such is the nature of unconditional love.

How good is this? How amazing is this love that fully knows us and yet fully accepts us! Can it get any better than this?

Actually – yes it can!

God, who knows us intimately and loves us completely wants us to share this love with a life-partner, a husband or a wife.

Because of God’s omnipotence, He knows exactly what He is getting into when He embraces us with His unconditional love. He opens His arms wide while having His eyes wide-open. But, we enter into this intimate marriage relationship unaware of all the baggage we are inheriting from the person we marry. No matter how long we courted them and no matter how well we thought we knew them there is nothing that can simulate the day-to-day challenges of sharing daily living with an imperfect but perfectly flawed person. God calls us to unconditionally love, accept, cherish, and nourish this relationship while each unpacks their baggage and airs their dirty laundry.

How can we love like this? How can we survive such intimate knowledge and scrutiny? I mean God can love us like this because He is……..well……God! But I am not and you are not and it takes love like His to get this done. How is it possible to unconditionally love someone who is not in the best condition? What if they put their complete trust in me and I fail them? What if I trust them completely and they break my heart. This sort of vulnerability is frightening! Maybe I don’t need to know someone else that much. Perhaps it isn’t wise to make myself completely known. It’s probably safer to just try and become what they think I should be or what they want me to be. I mean, my parents love me best and they know me best, but there are things I have hidden from them. If I don’t completely trust them, how can I know intimacy with a stranger from outside my family?

That is the natural human response to a supernaturally designed and inspired relationship. God calls us to this intimate life-sharing love because it is what we are created to do. We are created to be loved unconditionally by Him and to trust Him to love others unconditionally through us. Therefore, the more intimately we know His love, the more intimately we can extend His love to another!

Think about this and celebrate it! When you live and love intimately with God and with your spouse, you experience the love of God twice! You receive it directly from Him and indirectly from them!

How good does that sound?

What can you do today to more fully receive the unconditional love of God? Where do you need to come out of hiding? Where do you need to be completely honest? Where do you need to allow Him to shine light on a dark corner in your life? Will you receive unconditional love so you can live in intimacy with Him? Will you enter into to full and fearless love with the One Who knows you most yet loves you best?

March 9, 2010

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

Do you think your marriage has a prayer?

If that is all it has maybe that is exactly what it needs.

Have you ever tried to file a complaint about an incorrect bill or an inadequate service? If you are not careful you will end up admonishing a person who is too low on the chain of authority to satisfy your complaint. Unless you can get all the way to the top, your pleas will go unheeded, you will create ill will and you will become frustrated.

That has happened to me and I'll bet it has happened to you.

As I described that scenario it occured to me that it sounds a lot like some marriages. Have you ever nagged your spouse or been critital toward them? How did that work out for you?

If you want positive results you must "complain" to the right person.

That is our challenge today. When you have a problem with your spouse, take it to the top! Pray for them. Get God involved in their need. Ask Him to help your attitude first, then ask Him to graciously deal with your partner. I have found that many times after God adjusts my attitude, the problem either gets perspective or gets solved.

Have you prayed for your spouse today? Have you prayed with your spouse? Will you?

Go to the top before you hit bottom.

March 8, 2010

"In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God's unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you cannot pray effectively.]" I Peter 3:7 (Amplified Version)

I just returned from a 1,3oo mile round-trip trek for one reason - to honor one of the two women who have shaped my life - my mother. My traveling companion was my other significant woman, Barbara.

How have they impacted me? By loving me with a fierce and unconditional love. They have believe in me. They have prayed for me. They have sacrificed for me. They have challenged me and corrected me. They have stretched me and call the best out in me. They have inspired me by their faithful examples. They have shown me patience and grace.

Much of what I have learned about loving I have learned from them. My mother was the first to see some potential in me and Barbara still sees it.

The Scripture instructs us men to honor our wives. So why have I honored my mother? Simple, I learned how to honor my wife by first learning to honor my mother. I esteem them. I respect them. I cherish them. I fully recognize their value to me, but also to the world. Planet earth is a much better place because of who they are, how they live and how they love.

Both of these great women would be extraordinary people even if they had never known me. But I would not be anywhere near the person I am without them. I recognize their substantial worth and value to me and I treat them accordingly. Because they are so honorable it is easy to honor them.

What did you do today to give honor to your spouse? What will you do tomorrow? Will you set aside a few minutes and meditate on how much your spouse means to you and how they have enriched your life. As you remember all the honorable traits your spouse possesses, stop and thank God for them. And then honor them by humbly sharing the reasons why you value that spouse as much as you do.

And remember, probably the best way to honor your spouse is to be honorable! That is a good starting point!