February 28, 2010

“HEATING UP YOUR HOME LIFE”

Week Two – “Connecting With Love” I John 4:7-19

I am so pumped this morning because we have had 22 couples working hard and living out the LOVE DARE. We are just seven days into this exciting journey and I am a better person for it – how about you? How are you doing?

In the "FIREPROOF Movie" Caleb's dad challenges him, “You cannot give what you do not have………”

I know you guys want to give your wives the love they need. And I know you ladies want to give your men the love and respect they desire. But you have got to HAVE love to give love. You have to BE loved to love. How does that happen?

If anyone DID know about receiving and giving love, it was the Apostle John! He gives us some valuable insights on how to connect with love. Get your Bibles and turn to I John 4:7-19 for a completely absolutely awesome portion of Scripture.

HOW LOVE LOOKS, Vv. 7-10

On May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister made history when he broke the four minute mile. Some thought it was humanly impossible to do it. Once people saw that human beings could break the four-minute mile barrier many others broke it. Even top-notch high-school kids have broken it. They had to see it to believe it. Currently the record is 3:43.13.

It is important for us to know what love looks like. All of us grew up in homes where love was needed and desired. Most of us grew up in homes where love was talked about. A few of us grew up where you experienced healthy wholesome unconditional love. You got a good idea of what it looks like.

One of the great problems in our world is that many people are walking around trying to give and receive something they have never seen and never known.

They need a Roger Bannister-type in their life to help them get a good look at what real love is and how to connect with it.

If you have ever put together a jigsaw puzzle you know the importance of being able to look at the box top. You can't put it together if you don't see it.

WE NEED TO SEE LOVE AND BE LOVED SO WE CAN LOVE!

ERMA BOMBECK ONCE WROTE, “IF I HAD LIFE TO LIVE OVER AGAIN….”

"I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day."I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage."I would have talked less and listened more."I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded."I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace."I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth."I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day ... because my hair had just been teased and sprayed."I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains."I would have cried and laughed less while watching television, and more while watching life."I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime."Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle."When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.""There would have been more "I love you’s." More "I’m sorry’s.""But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it... live it... and never give it back."Stop sweating the small stuff. Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what."Instead, let’s cherish the relationships we have with those who DO love us."

What she was saying was, “No that I know what loves looks like I would do it better!

John looked at love in the life of Jesus for over three years. He had received the love of God and known it better than almost anyone else.

BY NATURE WE ONLY LOVE SELF LOVE – AND THAT’S NOT THE HEALTHY KIND.

WHEN YOU GET THE WRONG LOOK AT LOVE, YOU WILL LOVE THE WRONG WAY AND THE WRONG THINGS.

God showed His love so we could know His love.

Jesus shed His blood to show His love.

Love looks like submission. Love looks like surrender. Love looks like sacrifice. Love looks like serving. Love looks like Jesus!

HOW LOVE LIVES, Vv. 11-16; 19-21

That brings us to the second truth – love lives by dying! Dying to self and to selfish love and drawing life and love from Jesus.

Love lives out what it sees in Jesus.

Love lives by letting His Word and His truths live through us. That is what we have been doing this week with the LOVE DARE……

Love lives with patience……….
Love lives with kindness……..
Love lives selflessly….
Love lives thoughtfully…..
Love does not live rudely……
Love is not easily irritated…….
Love gives the benefit of the doubt......

If He lives through us He loves through us.

The closer we live to Him the more we love others.

God reached out to us in love so we can reach others.

HOW LOVE LIBERATES, Vv. 17-18

Unconditional love is full love.

In the movie – the game changer came when Caleb decided he was going to act loving toward Catherine no matter what! Even when she rejected his efforts or spurned his offers he did not stop offering her love. His decision to love her was not dependent on her response it was based on his commitment to show her love. This unconditional love flowed from Caleb’s commitment and character.

When you chose to love your spouse no matter what, that is full love!

This is like the love we have for our children – it is irrational, instinctive, unexplainable, unquenchable, and unstoppable.

Unconditional love is the love God has for us! He doesn’t just HAVE this love for us He IS this love for us! And He desires to give this love to us and to express it through us!

Full love is fearless love.

As a fireman, Caleb lived by the credo “never leave your partner behind”. That overcame the fear that they may have had when rushing into a burning house. Remember that scene when he went into the burning house to rescue the child? He was fearless!

When Caleb committed to fully love his wife, he became fearless in his efforts to reach her. Nothing stopped him. He took risks he would not have normally taken.

YOU NEED TO KNOW SEE LOVE SO YOU CAN GET IT.

YOU NEED TO LIVE IN HIS LOVE SO YOU CAN GIVE IT.

LOVE THAT IS FULL IS LOVE THAT IS FEARLESS SO YOU CAN ENJOY IT.

February 27, 2010

"Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city." Proverbs 16:32

Have you ever felt like you were "on edge"? Do you know what it is like to feel like you are on pins and needles? That is literally the word picture for being irritable.

Our Love Dare today challenges us to not be irritable. Or, when you do feel irritable make sure we don't take it out on our spouse. How do we do that?

The best way to keep from getting irritable is to stay away from the edge. Build some margins in your life. Make sure you get you rest. Schedule time alone with God. Be sure you do something fun or relaxing each day. Guard your attitudes and thoughts. Keep focused on God and on others. Don't let life be about you. Self-centeredness is the primary cause of irritation. When you are worried about your rights and trying to protect them, you will become more easily irritated.

Combine the other Love Dare challenges of patience, kindness, thoughtfulness, courtesy and you will go a long way toward keeping yourself from being irritable.

And, when you do become irritable, deal with it! Don't allow your irritation to be directed at your wife. Realize that it is your problem and in the power of God, overcome it. Control you temper. Take your thoughts and emotions captive.

Love Dares to build margins and stay away from the emotional edge. Be not easily irritated.

February 26, 2010

"If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse." Proverbs 27:14

"Common courtesy" is not so common any more.

I held a door open for a couple of ladies at a restaurant the other day and they commented on how rare it was. Since I have always done it, I found it odd that they found it odd. But apparently it doesn't happen much.

Our Love Dare challenge today is a reminder of the importance and the impact of just being considerate to others. It is an essential part of being a good witness. You can't be a good witness and have bad manners. And certainly, that must begin at home.

As I read the Scripture verse this morning and reflected on it, I realized that rudeness is the result of impatience, unkindness, and thoughtlessness. If you whiff on any of the first three challenges you will miss on this one.

Since love is built on respect and trust, show your respect and gain respect by showing common courtesy to your spouse. Respect their space. Lighten their load. Lift their spirits. Strengthen their strengths. Overlook their weaknesses. Don't be easily irritated. Keep a sense of humor and don't take yourself too seriously. Say "please" and "thank you". Be fun and easy to be around.

If you are keeping your spouse on edge, always walking on egg shells, it it time for you deal with that. It doesn't take a spiritual giant to overcome rudeness. Start with common courtesy. Show love and respect by being polite to your partner.

Mind your manners and mend your marriage!

February 25, 2010

"How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand. When I awoke, [could I count to the end] I would still be with You." Psalm 139:17-18

As a kid we would play pick-up football games or baseball games and before we started the game we would choose up sides. The two oldest guys or the two judged as best players would be the captains and they would take turns picking their players from the assembled group. It was a crude and simplified version of the NFL draft. Where you were chosen was important because it showed what they thought of you. If there were ten guys to be chosed you didn't want to be number nine or ten.

It matters what others think of us. It probably matters more than it should, but it is important to us to know that other people are thinking of us and that they think well of us. What others think of us goes into the mix of how we form our opinions of ourselves. The more significant that person is to us the more impact their thoughts have on us.

Therefore, it is good to know that God is always thinking of us. He thought about us before we were. In fact, we exist because He thought of us. We are His idea! And even more inspiring is that He not only thinks of us but He thinks well of us! He loves us!

If you are on the mind of the One Who loves you most, should not the ones you love most be in your thoughts? Do you not desire to be on the mind of those who love you? Doesn't it matter what they think of you? Is it not important that they affirm you and your value?

Keep you mind turned toward God and tuned to Him. Let Him dominate your thoughts and put His Word in your memory banks. Meditate on Him. And when He flashes thoughts of others through you mind, respond to that. Pray for that person. Call them. Send them a card, or a text or an email to let them know you thought of them. That shows them that they matter to you just like you matter to God.

Celebrate the fact that you matter to God! Live in the assurance that you are always on His mind. Fix your thoughts on Him and let those closest to you know you are thinking of them. Do something thoughtful today for those you love most.

Think about it - then do it!

February 24, 2010

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor." Romans 12:10

Well here I go with another "Momism". The theme of this verse reminded me of it.

My mother always says, "A person wrapped up in himself makes a pretty small package

Our third challenge to the "Love Dare" in addition to patience and kindness is the challenge of overcoming selfishness. And since we are all selfish by nature, we face an uphill battle against selfishness.

I'm sure we can agree that two selfish people entering an intimate relationship like marriage is not a formula for success. In fact, every marriage that fails is due in some way to selfishness contaminating the relationship. Since the church also consists of intimate relationships, selfisness can also be destructive there.

So, what is the "unselfish" or "anti-selfish" thing to do for your marriage spouse?

Devote yourself to your partner. The word means to "earnestly attach" yourself to someone or something. It means to throw yourself entirely into the relationship and not have a backup plan. Devotion means that you "earnestly attach" yourself to your spouse with no thought or plan for detatching.

In addition, the Scripture says you must "honor" your spouse. That means that you regard them with respect and give them worth. That starts with adjusting your attitude and thinking to affirm that your marriage is worth your best effort and your spouse is worth your highest respect.

Here's the bottom line for this third Love Dare challenge - your marriage IS NOT ABOUT YOU! You marriage is about honoring God and your partner by keep the promises you have made. It is about living in devotion and honor for God and receiving His unconditional love. When you do that you will get over your selfishness and love your spouse.

Get over yourself.

February 23, 2010

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

On day one of the Love Dare I focused on making a special effort not to try Barbara's patience. Since she had the harder part of the challenge I wanted to make it easier for her. I believe it is easier for me to be patient toward her than it is for her to be patient toward me.

And sure enough, there was one instance that happened beyond my control but I know it bothered her. But she exercised patience and I noticed. This morning I thanked her for it.

That brings us to the challenge for today - kindness.

Patience tends to be a reactive thing. Something you do may require me to respond with patience.

But kindness is proactive. I can be kind to you first! I can initiate the action. Patience may consist of something I choose not to do, but kindness is always expressed through action.

Kindness, like patience is associated with the Fruits of the Spirit. Each is a manifestation of God's Spirit at work through me. Kindness causes me to do something good for your good. The root word for kindness is closely associated with the words for grace and for unconditional love. Kindness acts for the good of another regardless of how that person may act toward me.

My mother always taught me to "kill them with kindness". Obviously, kindness has no fatal consequences nor would it associated with such actions. But the truth is contained in this verse would literally agree with this expression. When you choose to be kind no matter how others treat you, your constant and continual kindness will trump their unkind acts. Therefore, kindness "kills" the negative impact of their unkindness.

Today, you can be kind no matter what. You can treat your spouse kindly and be committed to her good in all you do. Kindness expresses your love and commitment to your spouse.

Let kindness guide your actions and decisions to day - but also do something especially kind to bring out the best in your spouse and assure her of your love!

February 22, 2010

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2

When I was a child my mother taught me to stop and count to ten before getting angry. I didn't realize it at the time but she was teaching me patience. At the time I barely knew how to count.

So, from that day forward I really had no excuse for getting angry or being impatient. But did I ever get angry? Uh.........yep! Have I been impatient? Unfortunately.

Did I forget how to count?

No, I did not forget how to count I just forgot to do it.

Could it be that difference between an angry impatient person and a person practicing patients is ten seconds?

Yes, I do!

James says, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry"

That sounds a lot like what my mother said.

Give yourself a ten count before you act in anger. That gives you a ten-times better chance of avoiding anger or doing something hurtful. It also gives God's Spirit ten seconds to counsel you and console you. If you take ten seconds and still choose to act in anger, then you have a big problem - and you are the problem!

The first challenge in our Love Dare is to intentionally pursue patience. Make a deliberate choice to ehow patience to your spouse. Our Scripture verse instructs you to humble yourself, be gentle, and choose patience "bearing with one another in love". "Bearing" means "forebearance". It means that you overlook something that irriates and extend grace toward the person who did it. You absorb the irritation while you count to ten.

So, as you begin to live out the Love Dare, you may be just ten seconds away from developing patience toward your spouse. Your ten seconds must be preceeded by ten minutes in the Word and another ten minutes on your knees.

I want to be more patient. I will take the Love Dare and I will do the hard work.

Will you? Well..............I'm waiting.............