Here we are already in the fifth week of our 40-Day Spiritual Focus during Lent. We have been learning about relationships, especially the marriage relationship.
Let’s Review What We Have Learned This Far:
* MEN NEED RESPECT/WOMEN NEED LOVE
* MEN AND WOMEN ARE WIRED QUITE DIFFERENTLY BUT THAT IS GOOD!
* TO LOVE A SPOUSE UNCONDITIONALL YOU MUST BE CONNECTED TO THE LOVE OF GOD – “SUBMIT = ALIGNMENT, GIVE UP RIGHTS”
* MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT RELATIONSHIP DESIGNED FOR A LIFETIME.
* TO ENJOY INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE WE MUST GUARD THOUGHT LIFE
These are the moving parts that go into growing and healthy relationships. When these are in place a marriage can hum like a well-tuned engine – BUT THERE IS ONE IIMPORTANT COMPONENT MISSING. That is forgiveness and that is what we will talk about and consider this morning. What motor oil is to a finely tuned engine forgiveness is to a relationship.
“Marriage is the union of two good forgivers” – Ruth Bell Graham
Fortunately for me – I am married to a gracious forgiver!
Let me ask you a question, “Which part of the pencil do you typically wear out first?” How many would say the eraser? Me, too. If so, you appreciate the importance of forgiveness.
"Forgiveness means that we are not going to allow the experiences of the past to dominate our future"
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
So, how does this forgiveness thing work in relationships? Will it work for me?
GET FORGIVENESS – “just as in Christ God forgave you”
You can’t give what you don’t have. The Bible is abundantly clear that you can’t forgive if you haven’t been forgiven. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?
Recognize Your Need - “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” – Romans 3:23
Request It - “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” I John 1:8-9
Receive It - “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23
In the video clip from the movie, Caleb was only able to extend grace and forgiveness to Catherine AFTER he had received it for himself.
If your marriage is going to make it you are going to need be forgiving – BUT YOU CAN”T GIVE WHAT YOU DON”T HAVE……….
GIVE FORGIVENESS – “forgiving each other”
“Brad, I have heard you talk about these marriages and this forgiveness this – that sounds really hard! How can I do that?”
Make Sure You Have It
Make Sure You’ve Given It To Yourself.
Commit To Three Decisions:
Responsibility Over Rights – I Will Waive My Rights & Do Right Thing
Release Over Retaliation – “Forgiving Is Forgoing” – Let It Go – Let Gof
Reconciliation Over Recompense – Fix Relationship Not Blame
In June 1973, Marietta, a homemaker from Detroit and her husband Bill, took their five children to Three Forks, Montana for a vacation. Their last night at that camp, in the middle of the night, Susy, their little 7 year old daughter was abducted from her tent.
Marietta's initial numbness and denial were soon replaced by the realization that something really terrible had happened. Desperation ensued and while the days were filled with a sense of helplessness, the nights for Marietta became filled with anguish and nightmares about Susy's pain and fear. As the days went by, Marietta became more and more affected, to the point when all she could feel was profound anger and hatred against the kidnapper. One night, after a long struggle between her rage and hatred and her religious faith, Marietta realized that her resentment would eventually destroy her and her family if she let them. Drawing strength from her faith, she reached a decision and made a commitment to “work toward an attitude of forgiveness,” as she later stated. She did, and began to also pray for the kidnapper. After five weeks of fruitless searches, Marietta and her family had nothing left to do besides going home.
On the first anniversary of Susy's disappearance, at the same time of the night, Marietta received a disturbing call from the kidnapper. He introduced himself as the one who had taken Susy away from her family, and began almost toying with Marietta about the whole event. While on the phone, Marietta managed to remain calm and in control, and was able to keep the kidnapper talking for over an hour. Early in the conversation, Marietta asked him, “What can we do to help you?” and told the man on the other end of the line that she had been praying for him since the day he took her daughter.
The man was later identified as 25 year-old David Mayerhoffer; however, the FBI did not have sufficient evidence to incriminate him. They believed that only one thing could resolve the case: a strong female confronting him with his crime.
So, the FBI asked Marietta if she was willing to go to Montana to confront him. I can hardly imagine what it must have been like to go to confront in person, face to face, the very man who had kidnapped my daughter. Marietta agreed and did so. Although in the conversation David did not incriminate himself, he was now shaken and scared. Not too long after their encounter, David made another call to Marietta in the attempt to divert the investigation, and told Marietta that she would never see her daughter alive again. He was eventually arrested, and shortly after he confessed each crime he had committed, showing no apparent emotion. After his confession, David committed suicide in his prison cell.
Although David had abducted, abused and murdered her daughter, and had even tormented her with those phone calls, Marietta was still able to forgive him. How could that be? During an interview, Marietta stated, “It is not that forgiveness means condoning what happened. I will never condone what happened to my little girl. And it doesn't mean that I forget it, because I can never forget what happened to my little girl. It is precisely in fact that you can't forget that you have to forgive so that it doesn't do you in.” Marietta forgave David, but did not do so blindly. She did it fully aware of what David had done. She did not just forgive, she also reached out to his mother Eleanore, went to his grave to bring flowers there together with Eleanore and provided comfort to her in her grief. According to Eleanore, at a time when nobody wanted to talk about her son and what he had done, Marietta was the only one that had reached out to her.
Marietta later explained her reasoning in the course of the same interview: “Together we were able to grieve as mothers who had lost their children.
I hoped that it would help her to know that I had forgiven [her son], and that I understood how sick he was.”
The interview concluded with a comment from Marietta that really made me think, “Forgiveness is hard work, and a lot of times people think that forgiveness is for wimps. I would say then that they haven't tried, because I know how difficult it is. But it's worth it, and it means being able to move on with your life, and it means being set free of the past.” Through her tragedy, Marietta had learned the true meaning of forgiveness, and what Jesus meant when He told us to love even our enemy.
HOW DID SHE FORGIVE? - She Took Responsibility – She Releases – She Reconciled – IN OTHER WORDS – She Responded Like Christ.
GUARANTEE FORGIVENESS – “Be kind and compassionate to one another”
Because Of Faith
Christians are told to “turn the other cheek”. We are to forgive 70 x 7. But our verse says we are to forgive “as in Christ God forgave us”. How does He forgive us – “if we confess our sins…..”
Because Of Friendship
Our relationship is more important than my rights…..
Because I Will Need Forgiveness
HAVE I RECEIVED THE FORGIVENESS OF GOD?
HAVE I FORGIVENE MYSELF?
DO I NEED TO FORGIVE SOMEONE ELSE?
WHAT IS PREVENTING ME FROM LIVING A LIFESTYLE OF FORGIVENESS?
