February 21, 2010

“HEATING UP YOUR HOME LIFE”

Week One – “Cherishing The Differences” Ephesians 5:21-23; 33

This morning we are going to begin our six-week, 40 Day study by stating the obvious – MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT!


John Gray made a fortune with his book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” where he elaborated on the differences between men and women.


This morning we are going to talk about how to cherish the differences between men and women so that husbands and wives can learn to cherish each other. For a backdrop we are going to draw from the movie “FIREPROOF”

Many of you have seen this movie about a couple named Caleb and Catherine whose marriage is disintegrating and neither one of them really cares. They have been married for seven years and they have definitely lost that lovin’ feeling. Part of the reason for their struggles was not knowing how to cherish their differences.

How Do I Cherish These Differences So I Can Cherish My Spouse?

While we are using the movie for a background we are going to use the Word of God for our authority – so turn in your Bibles to Ephesians 5:21-23: 33

There are three FIREPROOFING principles here in these verses that can help a man and woman cherish the differences and cherish each other.

CHERISH THIS: Marriage Works Best When Both Husband And Wife Give Up Their Rights For The Benefit Of The Other

“submit” = “hupotassonmenoi” = TO LINE UP UNDER or TO GIVE UP YOUR RIGHTS.

It appears in verse 21 pertaining to the man and the woman and then again in verse 22 referring to the woman. So what it is really saying is, GIVE UP YOUR RIGHTS TO ONE ANOTHER OR ALIGN WITH EACH OTHER’S RIGHTS.

The Bible commands marriage partners to each surrender their own rights and look out for the best interests of the other.

Many of the problems Caleb and Catherine had were directly related to their desire to cling to their rights over the rights of their spouse. When two people are each jockeying for their individual rights they put themselves at odds with each other. Instead of COMPLETING EACH OTHER THEY END UP COMPETING WITH EACH OTHER.

It makes sense doesn’t it? Giving up our rights is basic to being able to meet the needs of the other. If Barbara asks me to take out the trash and I am sitting at the computer or watching a game on TV to meet her need I must line up under her desire and submit to her request. So, I give up my right to check my email or watch the next five minutes of the game and carry out the trash.

Mutual submission is one of the difficult – but necessary principles of a successful marriage.

Men, imagine what would happen if your wife sat down with you tomorrow and said, “Honey, I have been making some selfish demands of you, and I’m sorry. I want you to know I am giving up those rights and I am lining up under you. I will no longer demand you become who I think you should be and really get to appreciate who you are.”

What would that do for you?

Women, imagine what would happen if your husband sat down with you tomorrow and said, “Baby, I know there are some things you have needed from me and I have not been willing to line up with them. But starting today I promise to do everything I can to meet your needs as I understand them.

Would that make a difference?

Verse 25 says, “Husbands love your wives…..”

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” I Peter 3:7

What Are Husbands Supposed To Do? --- LOVE THEIR WIVES

What Are Wives Supposed To Do? ---- RESPECT THEIR HUSBANDS

You cannot do either if you cling to your rights to the exclusion of your partner’s needs.

You say, “Brad, this is really hard! How do I do this?”

The Scripture makes it clear that if your are going to “line up under” or “give up your rights” to your partners you have to first submit to Christ and surrender your rights to Him and line up with His will, His needs.

WHERE DO I NEED TO “LINE UP UNDER” CHRIST? WHERE DO I “NEED TO LINE UP” WITH MY SPOUSE’S NEEDS?

SUBMIT TO EACH OTHER

CHERISH THIS: Marriage Works Best When We Understand There Are Differences And Act Accordingly.

You Know A Principle Is True When It Shows Up In A Country Western Song:

When you see a deer, you see BambiAnd I see antlers up on the wallYou see a lake you think picnicsAnd I see a large mouth up under that log.
You're probably thinkin' that you're gonna change meIn some ways, well, maybe you mightScrub me down, dress me upOh, but no matter what, remember, I'm still a guy.
When you see a priceless French paintingI see a drunk naked girlYou think that riding a wild bull sounds crazyAnd I'd like to give it a whirl.
Well, love makes a man do some things he ain't proud ofAnd in a weak moment I mightWalk your sissie dog, hold your purse at the mallBut remember, I'm still a guy.
And I'll pour out my heart, hold your hand in the carWrite a love song that makes you cryThen turn right around, knock some jerk to the ground'Cause he copped a feel as you walked by.
I can hear you now talkin' to your friendsSayin', yeah girls, he's come a long wayFrom draggin' his knuckles and carryin' a clubAnd buildin' a fire in a cave.
But when you say a backrub means only a backrubAnd you swat my hand when I tryWell, now what can I say at the end of the dayHoney, I'm still a guy.

From the moment of birth, little girls have more lip movement than boys. In a Harvard study of hundreds of preschoolers, researchers found that 100% of the sounds coming from little girls mouths were words, whereas only 60% of the sounds coming from boys were words. The other 40% were yells and sound effects.

Those differences persist into adulthood. Communication experts say that the average woman speaks 25,000 words a day, while the average man speaks a little over 10,000. What does that mean in marital terms? Very often it means a man has used up most of his 10,000 words at work…..while his wife is just warming up!

Gary Smalley asked thousands of women how much time they needed with their husbands in meaningful conversation. A wife says 45 minutes to an hour each day. What did their husbands say? “Fifteen to twenty minutes --- once or twice a week.”

These differences are what make marriage challenging – but also can make it wonderful.

WOMEN, HERE”S SOME THINGS THAT WILL HELP……

LOOK FOR HERO IN HIM

MOVE INTO HIS WORLD

NIX THE NAG

Try these phrases:

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!

I BELIEVE IN YOU!

YOU DO THAT SO WELL

MEN, TRY THIS…… IF SHE IS NAGGING YOU MAY NOT BE LISTENING

Show Your Love To Her By Sitting Down And Actually Listening To Her. Hear Her Heart And Her Dreams. Look Into Her Eyes. Gaze Into Her Soul. Know Who She Is. Affirm Who She Is. Find How You Can Serve Her. How Can You Complete Her?

“Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed... Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.” John Gray

Men need respect – Wives, will you submit to that need?

Women need love – Husbands, will you submit to that need?

CHERISH THIS: Marriage Works Best When Understand And Remember That Something Bigger Than Marriage Is Happening – You Are Preparing For Heaven.

God was passionate about living in relationship with us. But Adam & Eve refused to submit and failed to line up with His will – so sin separated Him from His Creation. So God sent Someone that He was passionate about – HIS SON – to pay the price for our sin and to redeem us and bring us back into fellowship with the Father.

After Jesus returned to Heaven He made it known that those who came to know Him by faith were to come together in a spiritual community called “The Church” – “The Ekklessia” or “Called Out Ones”. The church was to be the Body of Christ in the world – the visible presence of His love and grace and power in the world.

Jesus was passionate about the Church because He is passionate about people and passionate about God. So much so that He referred to the Church as His Bride and the relationship between Christ and His Church is representative of marriage.

So Jesus couldn’t claim to be passionate about God and be indifferent toward God’s people. Jesus couldn’t claim to be passionate about God’s people and be casual toward the church. It all hangs together. That is one of the main points of this portion of Scripture. Love for God must be expressed through marriage and worship.

IN THE SAME WAY, YOU CAN’T SAY YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT GOD AND BE CASUAL ABOUT YOUR WIFE. NOR CAN YOU BE PASSIONATE ABOUT GOD AND BE CASUAL TOWARD HIS CHURCH.

Men – What will I do this week to make my wife feel loved?

Women – What will I do this week to make my husband feel respected?

February 20, 2010

"This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church." Ephesians 5:32

Everyone is passionate about something. The challenge is to be passionate about the right thing. And, if you are passionate about the wrong thing you must be willing to change.

A good question to consider is, "What was Christ passionate about? If you call yourself a believer should you not also be passionate about what Christ was passionate about?"

According to this portion of the Scriptures, Christ's passion was the Church. In fact, the Church is referred to as His "bride" and His relationship to His Church is to be the example of how men love their wives.

So, by implication, believers should be passionate about Jesus and if they are passionate about Jesus they will also be passionate about the Church. According to this Scripture, you cannot be passionate about Christ and be casual toward the Church.

Maybe you have never thought about it before, but there is an inextricable link between your relationship Christ, the Church and your spouse. You cannot be passionate about Christ and be casual toward your church. You cannot be passionate about Christ and be casual about your marriage. There is a passion pipeline that flows from Heaven to your heart.

If you have professed to be passionate about Christ and yet have become casual toward the church - take a hard look at your life. And if you claim to be passionate about your faith but are lukewarm toward your marriage - it is time for a heart check.

One of the primary expressions of your passion for Christ and His Church is demonstrated by your passion for your spouse. Over the next 40 Days we will be taking a hard look at that. It will be hard work but the payoff will be HUGE!

Get your passion in the pipeline and your faith gets stronger, your church gets stronger, and your marriage gets sweet!

February 19, 2010

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:21

I just listened to Tiger Woods' press conference.

I conditioned myself to hear it sincerely and not with cynicism. Even though I bought into the hype about his image and therefore, was seriously disappointed when the truth about him was exposed. Also, I deal in grace and redemption, so I extended him grace.

Having listened sincerely, I heard some sincerity. He took full responsibility for his behavior and showed an understanding and disdain for the thinking that lured him into that behavior. He recognized those whom had suffered most from his selfishness and humbly apologized to them.

Obviously, I would have much rather have heard him say that he had repented to God for his sins and turned to faith in Jesus Christ. Instead, he shared his intention to return to his Buddhist faith. I will pray for him and hope you will, too.

The timeliness of Tiger's statement did not escape me. On the eve of our 40 Day Focus on marriage, his highly publicized transgressions remind us of the relevance of what we will be studying.

Everything that Tiger did wrong, you are capable of doing. So am I. Every temptation he faced, you have faced. So have I. Therefore, learn from him. Hear his confession. Feel his pain. Just as he fell, so can you. The sort of self-centered entitlement mentality that sucked him into the decisions and behaviors can do the same for you and me.

The only hope for Tiger, for you or for me, is to hear the truth of Ephesians 5:22-33. Only by submitting to God - "lining up with Him and giving up your rights" and by submitting to your partner - "lining up with him and giving up your rights" - will you ever truly be able to honor God. Not only will you honor God but you will receive His love, mercy, grace and peace. Only as you receive those blessing from Him can you extend them to your spouse.

As you see Tiger in the news and as you hear his statements replayed and critiqued and discussed and dissected over these next few days, let it serve to remind you that but by the grace of God that could be you. And by the grace of God, humbly submit to Him so that you can make sure it never will be you.

February 18, 2010

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:21

Charlie Brown once confided to Lucy, "I love the world - but it's people I can't stand".

That is the rub isn't it? How do we get along with all those other people? They sure have a way of complicating life!

As long as we have to get along with people, why not begin with the ones we have to live with? How about the one you are married to?

In this verse Paul gives us the basic principle for not only get along with others but actually enjoying it.

What He tells us sounds simple, "Submit" to one another." Literally that means "to line up under" or "to give up rights".

You say, "Wait a minute! Why should I submit to them? Why can't they submit to me?"

Actually, they should. But you have no control over that. You do, however, hold the power to decide that you will submit to them. And why should you do that? One really good reason, "out of reverence for Christ".

Sort of sounds like there is a connection between our relationship with others and our relationship to God doesn't it? Absolutely! We cannot be in a right relationship with God until we become rightly related to others. And we cannot get right with others if we are not right with God. Submitting to another person is evidence that you have "lined up under" God and given up your rights.

The Apostle John put it this way, "We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother." I John 4:19-21

So you want to get along with other people? It seems that this submission thing is a pretty big piece of the puzzle. If you want to get it right, give up your rights.

February 17, 2010

For the Western Christian Caleendar Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent and occurs forty-six days (forty days not counting Sundays before Easter. It is a moveable, falling on a different date each year because it is dependent on the date of Easter. It can occur as early as 4 February or as late as 10 March.

Ash Wednesday derives its name from the practice of placing ashes on the foreheads of adherents as a sign of repentance. The ashes used are typically gathered after the Palm Crosses from the previous year's Palm Sunday are burned. This paste is used by the minister who presides at the service to make the sign of the cross, first upon his or her own forehead and then on those of congregants. The minister administering ashes recites the words: "Remember (O man) that you are dust, and to dust you shall return", or "Repent, and believe the Gospel."

Ash Wednesday is a day of repentance and it marks the beginning of Lent. Ashes were used in ancient times, according to the Bible, to express mourning. Dusting oneself with ashes was the penitent's way of expressing sorrow for sins and faults. An ancient example of one expressing one's penitence is found in Job 42:3-6. Job says to God: "I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee. The other eye wandereth of its own accord. Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes." (vv. 5-6) Other examples are found in several other books of the Bible including, Numbers 19:7, 19:17, Jonah 3:6, Matthew 11:22, Luke 10:13, and Hebrews 9:13. Ezekiel 9 also speaks of a linen-clad messenger marking the forehead of the city inhabitants that have sorrow over the sins of the people. All those without the mark are destroyed.

It marks the start of a forty day period which is apparently an allusion to the separation of Jesus in the desert to fast and pray. During this time he was tempted. While not specifically instituted in the Bible text, the 40 day period of repentance is also analogous to the 40 days during which Moses repented and fasted in response to the making of the Golden calf. (Jews today follow a 40 day period of repenting during the High Holy Days from Rosh Chodesh Elul to Yom Kippur.)

Although we are not as liturgical as the Catholic church or some of the more formal Protestant groups, Lent has spiritual significance and should be commemorated. That is why we do an yearly 40 day focus to sharpen our spiritual sensitivities and strengthen our faith. Sometimes that requires fasting - voluntarily giving up something that is important to you in order to concentrate more on spiritual disciplines. Fasting is a powerful spiritual practice. Equally powerful as denying yourself of something is beginning a new spiritual routine that will aid your growth in the faith.

That is why we are observing the 40 Day Focus this year at FredWes. Our focus for the next 40 Days is to develop more godly relationships, especially in the area of our marriages. The very spiritual principles that strengthen marriages and relationships with strengthen our church fellowship and contribute to its growth.

Our 40 Day Focus will have three focal points: Sunday Morning Messages, Sunday afternoon LIFE Groups and the 40 Day Love Dare. This comprehensive approach will allow you to grow in the context of worship, fellowship and private personal devotion. For us, this begins on Sunday, February 21st. That is the equivalent of our Ash Wednesday.

But today should be a day of reflection and a day of commitment in view of the significance of this period in the life of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And since the practice of fasting for 40 Days has had spiritual signifcance in the life of our spiritual heroes, why not join them in a spiritual journey toward holiness?

February 16, 2010

On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage.

The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no ’I’ in the word ‘marriage.’”

The wife said, "For my part, I have never corrected my husband’s spelling."

MARRIAGE: A DEFINITION - Marriage is when you agree to spend the rest of your life sleeping in a room that’s too warm, beside someone who’s sleeping in a room that’s too cold.

In my pre-marital counseling I tell the couples, "With all due respect to the Marines, marriage is the hardest job you will ever love."

Many don't make it.

Divorce Statistics:

In 2005 there were 2.3 million marriages and 1.2 million divorces. (U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2006)

Almost 20 million Americans (9.9% of the U.S. population) are currently divorced. (U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2006)

About 50% of marriages today will end in a divorce. Statistically, 40% of first marriages, 60% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. (U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2006)

About 75% of individuals who divorce will eventually remarry. (U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2006)

After 10 years of marriage, it is predicted that only 25% of couples will still be happily married (Glenn,1996)

More than 1 million children are affected by divorce each year. (U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2006)

If building strong satisfying marriages was easy, everyone would have one – and hardly anyone has one! But over these next 6 weeks we are going to commit ourselves to making marriage a priority and to doing the hard work necessary to strengthen our marriages. I am excited about the impact this is going to have on our families and on our church family!

Our 40-Day Focus officially kicks off next Sunday, but we have been talking about attitudes I thought it will be good to use this as a transition Sunday and talk about the best marriage/relationship concept that I have ever found. It really helps clarify how healthy relationships grow and prosper.

Relationships develop and grow just like bank accounts. By that I mean you make deposits and you make withdrawals. When you put in more money than you take out that is called a withdrawal. But when you take out more than you have put in you overdraw your account.

If you understand how bank accounts operate then you can know how emotional bank accounts work. You have to invest more into your relationships than you take from them. The bigger the balance in your emotional bank accounts the richer your relationships will be.

How are deposits made?

One deposit is understanding the person. Taking the time and effort to get your heart and mind around who that other person is earns you a deposit their account.

Paying attention to little things will earn a deposit. Tending to details shows evidence that you care for that person.

A third way to invest into the emotional account of another is by keeping commitments. Promises are easy to make and harder to keep, but keeping them earns big dividends of trust in your account with them.

Deposit number four is clarifying expectations. One of the leading causes of major withdrawals from accounts is conflicting expectations. It is important to make sure the other person knows what you mean and not just hears what you say. Until you share identical expectations you have not communicated.

Living with integrity is a fifth way to make a deposit. If you are not consistent in how you live and how you believe, others will have trouble buying into you.

The final deposit is offering a sincere apology whenever you have to make a withdrawal. That can turn a potential loss into a possible win.

What price would you put on healthy relationships? What are you willing to invest to build better friendships? Have you checked the balance in your emotional bank account?

February 15, 2010

"And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God." Matthew 14:32-33

These disicples had devoted their lives to Jesus and had followed Him 24/7 for the last few years. They knew that He was the Son of God and yet only after they were delivered from the storm did they cry out in worship "Truly you are the Son of God!"

What was that about?

It is our final Lake Lesson - You worship God better after you weather the storm.

Faith is a colaboration between the head and the heart. To have faith you must gain knowledge in your mind, but you also have to apply that knowledge to daily living. You encounter God in the Scriptures to understand His will and His ways, but you also must prove Him in the everyday issues and experiences of living. If His truth doesn't provide solutions for daily life then why believe it?

These water-logged disciples knew Who He was. Who He was was the very reason they were following Him. They had heard the teachings and seen the miracles watched His life and felt His touch. Just prior to getting into the boat on the other side of the lake they had witnessed a miraculous feeding of thousands. BUT, when He came to them and rescued them in midst of a terrible storm, they came to know Him in a new way. What they had known in their heart worked in the need of their life.

It was in the throes of one of the fiercest storms of a stormy life that I came to a new understaning of Who Jesus is. I have worshiped Him better since. While the waves were tossing me and the winds had turned against me I challenged God, "If these things I have been teaching about and preaching about for years don't work for me, I am out!" When they did work for me, I got in like never before! When I cried out to God, "I have lost everything that matters to me, all I have is You." God responded, "What else do you need?"

Are you in the middle of a storm? Are you struggling to stay afloat? Is your mind wanting to doubt what you heart wants to believe? Is the storm inside you greater than the storm around you?

You are ripe for a Lake Lesson! You are about to know God in knew ways as Jesus proves He is beyond belief, He is bigger than life! He knows where you are in the storm, He knows about the storm within you, He knows how to get to you, He is probably on the way right now, and when He gets there He will calm the storms. After He calms the storm you will believe stranger and worship better!

We worship better after we weather storm!