"The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him." Proverbs 23:24
Fathers are just as essential to healthy child development as
mothers. Psychology Today explained,
"Fatherhood turns out to be a complex and unique phenomenon with huge
consequences for the emotional and intellectual growth of children."
Erik Erikson, a pioneer in the world of child psychology,
asserts that a father's love and a mother's love are qualitatively different.
Fathers "love more dangerously" because their love is more
"expectant, more instrumental" than a mother's love. A father brings unique contributions to the job of
parenting a child that no one else can replicate. Following are some of the
most compelling ways that a father’s involvement makes a positive difference in
a child's life.
- Fathers parent differently
Fathering expert Dr. Kyle Pruett explains that fathers have a
distinct style of communication and interaction with children. By eight weeks
of age, infants can tell the difference between their mother’s and father’s
interaction with them.
This diversity, in itself, provides children with a broader,
richer experience of contrasting relational interactions. Whether they realize
it or not, children are learning, by sheer experience, that men and women are
different and have different ways of dealing with life, other adults and
children. This understanding is critical for their development.
- Fathers play differently.
Fathers tickle more, they wrestle, and they throw their
children in the air (while mother says . . . "Not so high!"). Fathers
chase their children, sometimes as playful, scary "monsters."
Fathering expert John Snarey explains that children who
roughhouse with their fathers learn that biting, kicking and other forms of
physical violence are not acceptable. They learn
self-control by being told when "enough is enough" and when to settle
down. Girls and boys both learn a healthy balance between timidity and
aggression.
- Fathers build confidence.
Go to any playground and listen to the parents. Who is
encouraging kids to swing or climb just a little higher, ride their bike just a
little faster, throw just a little harder? Who is encouraging kids to be
careful? Mothers protect and dads encourage kids to push the limits.
Either of these parenting styles by themselves can be
unhealthy. One can tend toward encouraging risk without consideration of
consequences. The other tends to avoid risk, which can fail to build
independence and confidence. Together, they help children remain safe while
expanding their experiences and increasing their confidence.
- Fathers communicate differently.
A major study showed that when speaking to children, mothers
and fathers are different. Mothers will simplify their words and speak on the
child's level. Men are not as inclined to modify their language for the child.
The mother's way facilitates immediate communication; the father's way
challenges the child to expand her vocabulary and linguistic skills — an
important building block of academic success.
- Fathers discipline differently.
Educational psychologist Carol Gilligan tells us that fathers
stress justice, fairness and duty (based on rules), while mothers stress
sympathy, care and help (based on relationships). Fathers tend to observe and
enforce rules systematically and sternly, teaching children the consequences of
right and wrong. Mothers tend toward grace and sympathy, providing a sense of
hopefulness. Again, either of these disciplinary approaches by themselves is
not good, but together, they create a healthy, proper balance.
- Fathers prepare children for the real world.
Involved dads help children see that attitudes and behaviors
have consequences. For instance, fathers are more likely than mothers to tell
their children that if they are not nice to others, kids will not want to play
with them. Or, if they don't do well in school, they will not get into a good
college or secure a desirable job. Fathers help children prepare for the
reality and harshness of the world.
- Fathers provide a look at the world of men.
Men and women are different. They eat differently. They dress
differently. They cope with life differently. Girls and boys who grow up with a
father are more familiar and secure with the curious world of men.
Girls with involved, married fathers are more likely to have
healthier relationships with the opposite sex because they learn from their
fathers how proper men act toward women. They know which behaviors are
inappropriate.
They also have a healthy familiarity with the world of men —
they don't wonder how a man's facial stubble feels or what it's like to be
hugged by strong arms. This knowledge builds emotional security and safety from
the exploitation of predatory males.
Boys who grow up with dads
are less likely to be violent. They have their masculinity affirmed and learn
from their fathers how to channel their masculinity and strength in positive
ways. Fathers help sons understand proper male sexuality, hygiene and behavior
in age-appropriate ways. As noted sociologist David Popenoe explains,
"Fathers are far more than just 'second adults' in the home. Involved
fathers — especially biological fathers — bring positive benefits to their
children that no other person is as likely to bring."
Dad done well is a key foundation of a healthy and happy family. You make a world of difference for your wife and your children, Dad! Don't miss it for the world!
Dad done well is a key foundation of a healthy and happy family. You make a world of difference for your wife and your children, Dad! Don't miss it for the world!
