March 20, 2010

"You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things." Romans 2:1

Across the river from our beautiful city of Fredericksburg is the home of a real "stand up guy"!

George Washington spent his formative years growing up on the other side of the Rappahannock River at a place called "Ferry Farm". It is a significant historic place, as you might imagine. This is the location for the famous story about the cherry tree. Supposedly, his father discovered that a cherry tree had been leveled on the farm and knowing that young George had recently received a new hatchet he was a prime suspect. When confronted by his father George is reported to have answered, "I cannot tell a lie. I chopped down the tree!"

While I have been told by a local historian that there are or never have been any cherry trees in this area and the incident probably didn't happen, it has survived through the ages because it matches what we know of George Washington's character. He took responsibility for his actions and always did what was right.

Many historians call George Washington the "indespensible man". His honestyl and strength of character were exactly what our young nation needed as it got its footings in the world.

We could use men like that today! I want to be a man like that - but it is hard. It is hard to be wrong and it is even harder to admit that your wrong and it is especially hard to admit your wrong to your spouse!

It is so easy to find excuses or fix the blame or find some way to weasel out.

But, good relationships like strong nations are formed on a foundation of honest character. America became great because its founders were great and stood on great truths with great courage. If they had been dishonest or politically expedient we would have ended up like many other mediocre nations. We would have never become the exceptional nation we became. These several dozen brave patriots pledged their "lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor" to build a nation on Godly values. They were all "stand up" guys.

My wife needs me to be a "stand up" guy. My God needs me to be a "stand up" guy. My own conscience needs me to be a "stand up" guy. I need to take responsibility for my thoughts, my desires and my actions. When I get it right I must be humble. When I am wrong I must be honest and take responsibility. It is a matter of trust. Trust breeds respect. Love is built on trust and respect. If I expect my wife to trust me, respect me and love me - I must master this personal responsibility thing.

I need to own my failures, admit my faults and fall on the mercy of my wife when I am wrong. When that happens, I will win her with my honesty and she will win me with her graciousness.

The old slogan I learned growing up said, "If it is to be it's up to me"!

When it comes to a strong marriage and healthy relationships it is largely up to me. I will be honest even when it hurts! I will be a "stand up" guy taking a stand for what is true and what is right - every time!

Hey guys - want to stand with me?

March 19, 2010

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." Matthew 6:14

A famous British general once told John Wesley, "I never forgive!" To which Wesley replied, "Then, Sir, you had better never sin."

Three of the sweetest, most welcome and healing words in the universe are, "I forgive you!"

Those words heal the one to whem they are spoken but the also bring relief and healing to the one who speaks them!

When was the last time someone let you off the hook? Is there someone you need to forgive?

Remember a time when someone spoke those welcome words to you? Remember how good that felt?

What does it take to become a forgiver?

First, be forgiven!

Forgiven people are the only ones who can forgive. You can't offer what you don't have.

So, how do I get forgiveness? Receive it as a gift!

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." I John 1:8-9

You can have forgiveness when you realize you need it and honestly, humbly ask for it. Have you done that?

So, how do I forgive someone else?

Once you have received forgiveness you have received the love and grace of God. Once you have been forgiven you have the presence of Christ in your life. With His presence and in His grace you CAN forgive. In fact, you are required to do so.

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15

Forgiven people are able to forgive.

Third, forgiving becomes a way of life for forgiven peope.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

Being forgiven changes you. Receiving Christ changes you. Extending grace to others in forgiveness changes you. And it also changes others through you!

Imagine what a world this would be if forgiveness was the rule rather than the exception. Think how great it would be if everyone could receive forgiveness. Think how different it would be if all those who received forgiveness forgave others. How freeing would that be?

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you."—Unknown

Have you received God's forgiveness?

Have you forgiven yourself?

Who else do you need to forgive? Are any unresloved issues with your spouse?

Freedom could come to your home today with just one act of forgiveness.

March 18, 2010

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him." I John 2:15

Take this verse at its face value and you may ask, "Why should I not love the world? The world is a beautiful place! Haven't you seen the Blue Ridge Mountains in Fall? Have you not seen the cherry blossoms in the Spring?"

The Apostle John is not telling us we shouldn't love the planet Earth. That is not the world he is referring to, he is referring to "the cosmos" or the false world system that the Enemy has established to appeal to our sinful nature. For everything that God has created, Satan, the god of this world has established a counterfeit to rival God.

God envisioned a personal relationship with every member of His glorious creation. But the Devil has set up religions to rival the true relationship God desires. Religion is easier because it can be measured in term of rules and can be accomplished by human effort. Relationship requires a supernatural spiritual transformation of your heart and mind. That can only happen by submitting to God. For centuries religion has hindered the development of true Christian faith.

God's design was for people to live in faith and obedience to Him. The ultimate aim of man is to know, love and glorify God. But Satan set up a system based on the pride of man aimed at glorifying man and opposing God. It traces back to the original sin of Adam and Eve when they partook from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Theology is opposed by science. Training in faith is replaced by humanistic education. The incredibly amazing Creation account is countered by the "theory" of evolution.

God deals in the world of faith through the spiritual nature. The enemy operates against the spirit in the physical realm. God deals in surrender and obedience, the enemy appeals to the pride and independence of human nature.

Therefore, when we talk about living in love for a spouse to whom we have committed ourselves for life, we are talking about two people entering into a convenant relationship between a man and a woman and their God. God defines that as love. But the "cosmos" promotes a "love" that seeks to use and exploit another person in order to please yourself. What the world calls "love" God would call "lust". Lust is driven by selfish desires seeking to satisfy its physical needs.

Lust is an unhealthy substitute for real love. It harms others and makes intimacy impossible. It separates and isolates people from one another, from their God, and even from their own best selves. Since lust is insatiable it fosters a dissatisfaction that drives discontent and makes you miserable. The harder you lust the emptier you become. It is how millions of people live in our world today.

Why would you live in lust when God offers His love? Why would you degenerate into frustration and alienation when you can live in the freedom and blessing of a relationship with your Creator?

Don't take my word for it. Try out God's love for yourself. Renounce your lustful desires and receive His love. If you find it doesn't bring you peace, freedom and satisfaction you can return to your lustful ways. What do you have to lose?

Aferall, the Bible says, "God so lusted the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." Right?

Of course, not! God loves and He desires and deserves your love. What's lust got to do with it?

March 17, 2010

".....love always protects....." I Corinthians 13:7

Protecting what you love is instinctive, it is a reflex. You don't have to be told or reminded to protect something you love.

So it is no surprise that in this great verse that gives such a clear description of love reminds us that love protects.

There is no greater love than God's love and throughout the Bible, especially in the Old Testament there are many examples of how God protected His people in powerful and dramatic ways. One of the ways we know He loves us is because of how He protects us.

So, part of the Love Dare is to protect your spouse. There is no doubt that you would step up and protect your marriage partner if they were threatened physically. Try to hurt me and Barbara will scratch your eyes out.

But there are other equally important ways to protect your spouse and I want to highlight several of those.

Protect the relationship. Be ever vigilant against anything that would diminish your relationship with your spouse. Attacks can come from outside the relationship or from within. Guard your own heart and mind against attitudes, thoughts, habits, or distractions that threaten your emotional connection with your spouse. Stand guard! Pray for your loved one. Pray with them.

Protect your romance. This is part of your relationship but it is a special part that requires special attention. If you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone in a committed initimate relationship you might as well love it! Keep your relationship special. Reserve the most special place in your heart for your spouse and jealously guard that place. Stand guard over your affections and don't allow them to wander or stray. Continue to court your spouse and keep the fun in your friendship. Be friends first and lovers second. When something special or exciting happens to you, let them be the first one you share it with. Work as hard to keep your spouse as you did to win them.

Protect their reputation. If you offend Barbara, you offend me. If you insult her I am insulted. We are one. I have taken a vow to honor her and part of honoring her is protecting her honor. Say what you wish about me, I can take it. Say something negative about her and we'll have a problem. I hold her in high esteem. If you don't, we'll never be good friends. That just how it works.

Love protects. It protects the relationship, it protects the romance, and protects the reputation. If you don't protect those important things you don't really love. You protect what you love.

March 16, 2010

"I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD." Hosea 2:20

I would assume that by this point in the Love Dare you are discovering that God has a considerably different view of marriage than we commonly do. Maybe that has rocked your world. Maybe it needs to.

But, if you are a Christian and you desire a Christian marriage, He is the One you must pay attention to. Afterall, He is the One Who invented marriage, designed the concept and makes the rules. So, are you going to believe Him or are you going to try to wing it?

If you remember one of the last phrases in the marriage vow goes something like this, "....and thereto I pledge you my faith." Easy to say, not so easy to do. So, what is it that you are really pledging when you make that promise?

In short, you are pledging to love your partner with a faithful love. You are promising to be faithful to them and worthy of their faith in you. Your partner promises the same. Faithfulness is a commitment designed to form the bedrock foundation upon which to build a marriage.

Marriage is too hard for partners to be continually worrying about whether they can trust each other or not. That should be a given.

What does it mean to give someone your faith? In a world where half of the people grow up under at least one parent who has not kept faith in their marriage, what does God expect from me and what do I owe my spouse?

When I pledged my faith to Barbara, what did I promise? What should she expect from me and what am I to offer her?

Here's what I think it means:

I think to be faithful means I must be filled with faith, faith in God through Jesus Christ. How can I do less?

Being faithful means that I maintain a faith in Barbara. I must always believe in her worth, her value, her goodness, her loyalty and faith in me. I must never allow myself to doubt her or question her honor.

My faithfulness means that I must return those same virtues to her. I must be loyal and good and true to the vows I made. I am responsible to discipline my thinking and shape my values according to my faith in Christ. It is my duty to be a much like Christ as I can be.

Faithfulness means that the way I live with her and love her should make it easier for her to not only maintain faith in me but to have faith in Christ.

To be a faithful partner means that my faithfulness to her is not dependent on her faithfulness to me. No matter how she treats me or responds to my love, I am to offer her a faithful love.

A faithful love is love without a question mark. Faithfulness is love with a period. With God's help it can be love with an exclamation mark!

Will you be faithful today?

March 15, 2010

"The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:11

I grew up loving God. I have been a believer for 53 years.

Even though I have never seen God He is more real to me that any person I know. I knew intellectually He was the one thing I needed most of all.

But, there was a time in my life when it seemed I had lost just about everything that mattered to me. I was devastated and complained to God, "I have lost everything! All I have left is You!" This was in the early hours of a sleepless night as I was having a pity party. God broke the silence when He answered, "What else do you need?"

That was a turning point in my life. I went from knowing God to KNOWING GOD! When I was at the point of really understanding God was all I had - I discovered God was all I needed.

Even though I was a believer. Even though I was a pastor. I lived with the silent and mistaken assumption that what I needed for happiness was God plus....... What I discovered was that God IS the plus. True happiness is God - period! Living under the assumption that God plus anything will bring happiness elevates the plus to equal status with God. That sounds like idolatry to me. God isn't really God until He is unrivaled in your life.

Once I discovered that God IS ALL I NEED and once I committed to become complete in Him, I understood that everything else is a bonus!

What is your formula for happiness?

Complete this equation: God + _______ = Satisfaction.

Whatever you write into that blank - a person, a possession, a relationship - whatever, commit that to God and discover that there is no plus there is only a period! When you come to the place where you discover God is all you really want that is the place you will discover He is all you need!

Ready to REALLY know God?

March 14, 2010

“HEATING UP YOUR HOME LIFE”

WEEK FOUR – “Confronting Love Leaks” II Corinthians 10:4-5

"The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." II Corinthians 10:4-5

Growing up in a cold weather climate I learned the hard way that heat escapes through your head. If you cover your head with a stocking cap and keep your head warm your whole body will stay warmer. But I was too vain to where a cap so I stayed cold in order to look cool.

JUST AS HEAT ESCAPES THROUGH THE HEAD, THE WARMTH OF LOVE AND ROMANCE CAN LEAK BY WAY OF THE MIND WHEN YOU GET CARELESS IN YOUR THOUGHT LIFE.

Do you have some love leaks in your life? Are there careless thought patterns that are allowing the love and romance to leak out of your life? I want to talk about that this morning as we continue our 40-Day Focus on “Heating Up Your Home Life”. God created you and wired you to need an intimate spiritual relationship with Him and an intimate personal emotional and sexual relationship with a spouse. And He wired you so that the sexiest part of your body is your mind. Your ability to enjoy fulfilling intimate relationships with God and with your spouse is largely dependent on how successful you are in controlling your thoughts,

Turn In Your Bible To II Corinthians 10:4-5

WHAT ARE LOVE LEAKS?

ATTITUDES – HOW YOU THINK

Self-Centeredness – Me First! My Needs Matter Most!
Resentment - You Are Not Meeting My Needs/Expectations!
Anger – You Hurt Me And I Will Get Even!
Unforgiveness – I Can’t Get Over What You’ve Done To Me!
Negativity – Constantly Focusing On What’s Wrong With Them

AFFECTIONS – WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT

Family
Finances
Flirting

Friendships
Fun
Fantasizing

ADDICTIONS – WHAT CONTROLS MY THOUGHTS

Work
Substance Abuse
Pornography

Stats About The Power Of Pornography:

Revenue Generated By Pornography Worldwide – (2006 Statistics) - $97 Bil.
Average Number Of Monthly Visits To Adult Websites Worldwide – 72 Million
Percentage Of Men 18-34 Who Visit A Porn Website Monthly – 70%
Percentage Of Internet Porn Involving Children – 20%
Divorces In Which Excessive Internet Pornography Was A Factor – 50%+
Percentage Of Families Who Say Pornography Is A Factor In Their Home – 47%
Average Ages Of First Exposure To Pornography – 11 Years Old
Percentage Of Children Aged 8 To 16 Who Have Viewed Pornography Online – 90%

The most used websites on the net are pornography websites.

Talk About How I Realized Porn Is A Problem:

Pastors Who Confided In Me……
One Of My First Ministerial Meetings In Princeton…..
Personal Knowledge Of The Power Of Its Temptation…..

HOW DO THESE LEAKS HAPPEN?

Casualness – “It’s Not That Bad, I Can Handle It”

Here's the testimony of someone who thought he could handle it....

“Not everyone who sees porn will become addicted to it. Some will just come away with toxic ideas about women, sex, marriage and children. That kind of damage is bad enough. And porn isn't the only ingredient in addiction. Usually, those who become addicted have some kind of emotional opening that allows the addiction to really take root. The porn companies don't mind at all if you become completely addicted to their product. It's great for business. An addicted customer keeps coming back for more. You don't have to shoot up any drug with a needle to get addicted to porn — your body will make its own drugs just by looking at the pictures. Dr. Victor Cline says that sex and pornography can be a more difficult addiction to break than cocaine”.

Five Stages of Addiction



1.Early exposure. Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see the stuff when they are very young, and it gets its foot in the door.



2.Addiction. Later comes addiction. You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're hooked. You can't quit.

3.Escalation. After a while, escalation begins. You start to look for more and more graphic porn. You start liking porn that would have disgusted you when you started.

4.Desensitization. Eventually, you start to become numb. Even the most graphic, degrading porn doesn't excite you anymore. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again but can't find it.

5.Acting out sexually. At this point, many men make a dangerous jump and start acting out sexually. They move from fantasy images of porn to the real world.

“When I personally got to the "acting out phase," I started fantasizing about what it would be like to actually rape a woman. I finally tried it one night when I saw a woman who "fit" the scenario that porn had taught me to look for. I was lucky. Very lucky. I didn't go through with it. After being reported, arrested and spending some time in jail, I finally was able to begin the process of weeding out the lies in my life that porn had put there.”

Carelessness – “I Deserve It Because My Needs Are Not Being Met”

Pornography communicates its own "truths" about women. Unfortunately, they're all lies:

1.Lie: Women are less than human. The women in Playboy magazine are called "bunnies," making them cute little animals or "playmates," making them a toy. Porn often refers to women as animals, playthings, or body parts. The idea that women are real human beings with thoughts and emotions is played down.

2. Lie: Women are a "sport." Some sports magazines have a swimsuit issue. This suggests that women are just some kind of sport. Porn views sex as a game and in a game: You have to win, conquer or score.

3. Lie: Women are property. It's common to see pictures of the slick car with the sexy girl draped over it. The unspoken message is, "Buy one, and you get them both." Hard-core porn carries this even further. It displays women like merchandise in a catalogue, exposing them as openly as possible for the customer to look at. It's not surprising that many young men think that if they have spent some money taking a girl out, they have a right to have sex with her. Porn tells us that women can be bought.

4. Lie: A woman's value depends on the attractiveness of her body. Overweight or less attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called dogs, whales, pigs or worse, simply because they don't fit into porn's criteria of the perfect woman. Porn doesn’t care about a woman's mind or personality, only her body.

5. Lie: Women like rape. "When she says no, she means yes" is a typical porn scenario. Porn teaches men to enjoy hurting and abusing women for entertainment.

Callousness – “It Makes Me Feel Good And That’s All That Matters”

HOW DO WE CLOSE LOVE LEAKS?

Confront It – I Have A Problem And It Has Control Over Me
“When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” James 1:13-15

Confess It – I Have Sinned Against God And My Spouse And I Am Sorry
“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:8-9

Commit It – In God’s Strength I Will Overcome This
“How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” Psa. 119:9-11

Correct It – I Will Change My Thinking And My Behavior
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

www.netnanny.com - $30/yr.
www.christianinternetfiltering.net - $4.50/month
www.safefamilies.org - Free
www.wisechoice.net - $50/yr. Cannot Be Bypassed
SafeEyes – creates internet logs, and can call or email spouse to alert them to your activity – available for pc/mac/mobile phone – www.internetsafety.com - $50/yr.

A Couple Of Websites To Help With Accountability:

www.menofintegrity.com xxxchurch.com www.covenanteyes.com

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” II Corinthians 10:4-5

“I made a covenant with my eyes to never look at a girl lustfully” Job 31;1

WILL I LET MY EYES GUIDE MY THOUGHTS OR WILL I SURRENDER TO GOD AND MAKE MY THOUGHTS CONTROL WHAT I SEE?

I REALIZE MY DESIRE FOR MORE INTIMACY IN MY MARRIAGE

I RECOGNIZE LOVE LEAKS IN MY LIFE ARE KEEPING ME FROM INTIMACY

I RENOUNCE LOVE LEAKS IN MY LIFE

I REPENT OF THOSE LOVE LEAKS IN MY LIFE

I WILL REPAIR THEM BY CHANGING THIS BEHAVIOR TODAY: