March 30, 2010

"Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed." Proverbs 15:22

This week we move into the Final Four of the NCAA Basketball Tournament, one of the biggest events in the world of sports. Millions will tune into to watch the semi-finals and the championship games.

When I look at the four teams remaining in the chase for the championship I notice a common denominator - three of them have veteran coaches. Two of those coaches have won national championships before.

All four of these teams have tall and talented players. All of them have winning traditions. Both Duke and Michigan State have multiple final four appearances. But if you ask the one thing that separates these elite teams from the others you would have to point to Duke's Coach K, Michigan State's Coach Izzo, and West Virginia's Coach Huggins. They set themselves apart with their ability to coach teams to a championship level. It is not that their players are far more talented than the other teams, it is their ability to motivate and mentor those players into an effective team.

Tall, talented, teen-aged basketball stars don't naturally play championship level winning basketball. They are prone to play for themselves rather than for the team. It takes a Tom Izzo, or a Mike Krzyzewski, or a Bob Huggins to mold these talented kids into a smoothly functioning unit.

So, if it takes exceptional coaching to shape championship teams, what makes us think we can build strong marriages without help?

It is called accountability. It is called discipline. It is called coaching not because it creates talent but because it unifies and maximizes it. If we naturally did our best or automatically did everything we know we should do, we could go it alone. But let's be honest - we don't!

If it takes world-class coaches to mold world-class athletes into world-class teams what do think would help build world-class marriages?

So, why don't you have someone coaching or mentoring you?

Why are you going it alone?

Who do you know that you could ask to come along side of you and your spouse to help coach you and call out the best in your marriage?

When will you ask them?

March 29, 2010

"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." I Corinthians 13:6

The problem with sin is that it complicates life. It complicates life because it confuses your understanding of truth. When the line gets blurred between truth and lies, life gets tough in a hurry.

That is exactly what happened with Adam and Eve and it has become the story of humanity. It is essentially the story of history.

So, fast forward to your marriage and our truth for the day reminds us that love is directly and intricately connected with truth. The question then becomes, "What is truth?"

Truth is a Person!

Jesus said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No man comes to the Father but by me." When Jesus made that statement He was not saying He is a concept or a system of beliefs, He IS TRUTH! Truth starts and ends in HIM! If you want to know truth you must know Him! Nothing is true apart from Him! So, when this verse says that love rejoices in truth it makes a lot of sense when you understand that truth is not a thing it is a Person! Isn't it much easier to love a person? Especially when that Person is Jesus! Want love in your marriage? Get Jesus! Want truth in your marriage? Get Jesus!

Truth is Purity!

Because truth is a Person and that Person is Jesus, you need to get Jesus. In order to get Jesus you must repent of sin and renounce it in your life. You must cleanse your heart and mind of moral impurity. I John 1:8-9 affirms this: "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." That's what I am talking about! Get rid of the impurity of sin and receive the purity of His righteousness. And righteousness is "rightness". Also, back up a couple of verses to I John 1:7 and it sheds more truth on truth: "But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin." "Walk in the light". What is light but truth? As you walk in truth you walk in purity!

Truth Is Power!

When you have Jesus you have purity. When you have Jesus and purity you will have power. The power of truth! The power of holiness! The power of rightness!

Love rejoices in truth! Make that "truth" with a capital "T"!

March 28, 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ikm3o5hDks

Now that is crazy love! Cats are not supposed to love rats! Rats are supposed to be afraid of rats!

When I think that someone like Barbara would love someone like me – that is crazy love!

Remember when your children were born – especially that first one because you are unprepared for it – when they hand that like wrinkled, wet, pink, squalling thing to you and suddenly you are flooded with this CRAZY LOVE!

For this 40-Day Focus we have been talking a lot about love. What it is and what it isn’t and what it ought to be. We have been reading our Love Dare books and doing our LIFE Group studies. We have walked around and talked around this crazy thing called love but today I want to hit right at the heart of it. I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT CRAZY LOVE!

This love I am going to talk to you about is crazier than a cat loving a rat. It is crazier than Barbara loving me. It is even crazier and more intense than the love we have for our kids! This CRAZY LOVE is the unconditional love He has for us and wants us to have for our marriage partner.

Are you ready to hear about CRAZY LOVE?

“God commended His love toward us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

I. LOVE IS CRAZY POWERFUL – “God…..”

"Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener." --Leonard Ravenhill

Phillip Yancey describes grace in his book What’s So Amazing About Grace. He writes, “Grace means there is nothing we can do to make God love us more—no amount of spiritual calisthenics and renunciations, no amount of knowledge gained from seminaries, no amount of crusading on behalf of righteous causes. And grace means there is nothing we can do to make God love us less—no amount of racism or pride or pornography or adultery or even murder. Grace means that God already loves us as much an infinite God can possibly love.”
Does it help to think that God delights in you? Think about it! I don’t care how ugly you think you are. You are God’s delight. I don’t care how fat you are. You are God’s delight. Even if your marriage seems such a struggle. You are God’s delight. Even if you are divorced, your self-esteem wrecked. You are God’s delight. Even if you are so depressed your life feels like a black hole. You are God’s delight. Even if you threw a pity party and nobody showed up. You are God’s delight. God doesn’t abandon you because your business collapsed. You are God’s delight. God doesn’t leave you because you’re face is all wrinkled. You are God’s delight. Now, instead of wasting all that energy trying to prove to everybody that you are worth something, you can start with this idea that you already are somebody because we are the one in whom God delights!

The reason that God’s crazy love is so powerful is because love is not just what God does IT IS WHO HE IS! God loves because HE IS LOVE! It is His character! It is His nature! It is His DNA!

It is impossible for Him to NOT love you! For Him to not love you He would have to NOT BE HIM! And He is immutable – HE NEVER CHANGES. Since He never changes He will ALWAYS LOVE!

And His love is a CRAZY love! The word for His love is “agape” and there is really not English equivalent for it – so the closest I can come is CRAZY!

HAVE YOU COME TO THE PLACE WHERE YOU BELIEVE HIS CRAZY LOVE?

II. LOVE IS CRAZY PERSONAL – “……commended His love toward US….”

BUT HEY – the news gets better!

Many world religions teach a god who is a loving force or a cosmic warm fuzzy and we find love by becoming “one” with this – whatever is is……

Christianity teaches a personal love from a personal God Who wants to live in a personal relationship with every member of His creation.

A HOLY ALMIGHTY GOD WHO PERSONALLY LOVES ME AND WANTS TO KNOW ME? THAT”S CRAZY!

KARL BARTH was a German theologian who dominated the theology of the 20th century. In 1962, six years before his death, he made his only visit to the United States. One night he lectured at a seminary in Virginia, and after the lecture he met with students in the coffee shop for some informal dialogue. Someone asked him if there was any way he could summarize his vast theological findings. A student asked, "What in your judgment is the essence of the Christian faith?" Barth paused for a moment. No doubt the others waited for some profound insights from this theological giant. They got their pens and paper out and were poised. Then Barth answered, "Yes, I can summarize in a few words my understanding of the Christian faith. Let me put it this way: "Jesus Loves Me, This I Know, for the Bible Tells Me So."Needless to say, these students were dumbfounded. They expected some deep theological statement and instead heard that which Barth learned at his mother’s knees.I believe Barth was right. At the heart of the Christian gospel is this simple affirmation: JESUS LOVES ME!

Max Lucado: "If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If he had a wallet, your photo would be in it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, he’ll listen."

I SEARCHED FOR EFFECTIVE WAYS TO ILLUSTRATE THIS CRUCIAL POINT AND DECIDED A PICTURE IS WORTH A 1,000 WORDS – WATCH THIS:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_wu61fbtMI

God’s love is powerful because He IS LOVE! It is not a concept, it is not a theory, it not a feeling or an emotion – it is HIM!

And it is even more powerful because IT IS PERSONAL. It is available for you to receive and experience! It is yours for the believing!

HAVE YOU PERSONALLY RECEIVED THE POWERFUL PERSONAL LOVE OF GOD? WOULD YOU LIKE TO?

III. LOVE IS CRAZY PROVEN – “….while we were still sinners CHRIST DIED FOR US”

The young woman was married and had two beautiful children, but one day as she was standing over the sink, washing dishes, she thought, "There must be more to life than this."When her husband came home, he found a note she’d written and he began to weep. She would call him about once every week to check on the children, and he would always tell her of his great love for her and beg her to come home. She would always say no and hang up.Finally, he hired a private investigator to find her. He went to the apartment where she was staying, nervously holding a spray of flowers in his hand as he stood at the door. He had rehearsed over and over what he would say and he finally got up the nerve to knock on the door. She opened the door and he started to speak, but she suddenly began to weep and fell into his arms. She managed to say through her tears, "Let’s go home." Months after, when things were starting to heal, he finally asked her something that had been bothering him. "All those times I talked to you on the phone; I asked you to come back and you refused. Why did you come back now?" "Before," she started, tears in her eyes, "you were just telling me that you loved me. When you came, you showed me."

We knew that God loved us, but when He really wanted to prove it He sent His Son Jesus to lay down His life for us! God’s love got personally involved!

God has always loved us with a crazy love, but nothing proved it like when He sent Jesus!

In the “Fireproof” movie what was it that finally convinced Catherine that Caleb loved her? For over forty days he had tried to show kindness and consideration and patience – but she didn’t finally believe his love until he proved it by spending his boat savings on her mom’s medical equipment. That was crazy love!

He finally became convinced of her love when she cancelled the divorce papers.

Love is proved by actions. Crazy love has to be shown by crazy acts of loving sacrifice, God did that by sending His Son. To any fair-minded person there can be no doubt!

We have been camping out in Ephesians 5 this month and it talks a lot about God’s crazy love for The Church! He loves it like a bride! And then he tells us the most amazing thing – crazy actually. He tells us that we are to love our spouse just like God loves the church – WITH A CRAZY LOVE.

(LEAVING AND CLEAVING – BUNGEE JUMP)

ARE YOU READY TO TAKE A PLUNGE INTO HIS CRAZY LOVE?

ARE YOU WILLING TO LET HIS CRAZY LOVE FLOW THROUGH YOU TO YOUR SPOUSE?

ARE YOU WILLING AS A COUPLE TO PLUNGE YOUR MARRIAGE INTO HIS CRAZY LOVE?

"The first miracle Jesus performed was at a wedding. Jesus can still do a miracle with your wedding." --Kent Crockett

March 27, 2010

"If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? " Ecclesiates 4:10-11

Upon the completion of His creative masterpiece, God stood at the edge of Eden and scanned the birds overhead, the trees and flowering plants, the magnificent animals, and declared, "It is good!"

Talk about understatement! How about perfect?

Not quite!

So, what was not perfect about creation?

God stood with Adam and as all the animals filed past them Adam pronounced names for them. Adam must have noticed that the animals were passing him in pairs. God noticed, too. Because not long after proclaiming that creation was good, God declared it was not good. "It is not good that man should be alone!"

Even in the presence of God in the environment of Paradise, man was incomplete. So God did a little reconstructive surgery and from the flesh and bone of man He created "wo-man", as Adam named her.

God's perfect plan is for a man and a woman to complete one another. That is the essence of "oneness". Two people who have each become complete in God merge their lives and submit their wills and united their purpose in order to maximize their existence and glorify their Creator.

There are those who are called to single living. Some choose a life of celibacy to better serve God. Certainly that decsion is to be admired and honored. But for most, marriage is the model.

It is through striving to bring completeness to another person you discover the necessary disciplines of humility, surrender, submission, service, and sacrifice. Those are precisely the virtues needed to find oneness with God. So the Creator in His omniscence understood that marriage could serve as the perfect laboratory for the great experiment of pleasing God.

No wonder the next verse in this section of Ecclesiates says this: "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

Here is the truth about relationships. Whenever two people come together to share life in an intimate setting one of two things will happen, either they will complete or they will compete.

Which characterizes your marriage? What are you doing to complete your partner? Where can you submit or surrender oe sacrifice or serve? What will you change? How will you complete your loved one today?

March 26, 2010

"And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:23-24

How many would say that it is important to know why you are doing what you do? Can I see a show of hands?

Now, I am painfully aware there are those moments when you walk into another room and can't remember why you came there. I occasionally have those moments. Maybe you have - or do. If you can relate to the feeling of that experience can you imagine living like that?

When speaking to Adam and Eve about their brand new relationship God says, "For this reason....". I think God wanted to make something clear. And it really wasn't intended for Adam and Eve since they didn't have a mother or father. God, at the very beginning of marriage as an institution, spoke to men and women through the ages to make an important point - "oneness is only possible if you first leave and then cleave".

Have you sensed the importance of this truth?

Yesterday we talked about God's marital math - one plus one becoming one. Here we see that this "oneness" process cannot happen unless it is preceded by a subtraction. Leaving is a subtraction - or at lease a separation. The word "cleave" infers that you are chasing after or pursuing someone".

Let me use this analogy to illustrate. God intended marriage to be like bungee jumping without the elastic cord.

Who would do that?

Depends on what you are jumping into and what you are trusting to catch you.

I have seen people jump off the bridge over the Zambezi River, at the foot of majestic Victoria Falls, that connects Zambia and Zimbabwe. It is hundreds of feet down to the river and there river is filled with rocks and crocs.

Why would they do that?

Because they are tethered to a strong elastic cord that will stretch to its limit and snap them back up to safety. Hundreds have jumped and paid good money to do it and everyone has lived to tell about.

Here's the point, God is saying at the very beginning of marriage as an institution that marriage should be just like jumping off the bridge with no bungee cord because you know you are falling into the unconditional love and grace of God.

Let me ask you this, "If you and your spouse were free-falling from your previous source of security into a new an untested one do you think you would cling tightly to each other?"

That is what God is talking about! Marital oneness requires two people to literally take a leap of faith from their previous security into a new dependence on God clinging to each other while they fall into the grace of God.

Could it be that you aren't cleaving because you aren't leaving?

Could it be that you aren't leaving because your security is rooted in the past and not in Him?

What do you need to leave in order to cleave?

Take the leap!

March 25, 2010

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." Ephesians 5:31


I was never very good at math but I am sure that one plus one equals two.


However, in God's marital math it is not the case. According to His factoring the proper answer is one plus one should equal one.

From the beginning when God created Eve to be a helpmate for Adam, it was the purpose of God for man and wife to enjoy the same unity of spirit that is enjoyed by the Trinity where Father plus Son plus Holy Spirit equal one.

So, how can this happen?

Become one in purpose.

If a husband and wife are to get the math right in their marriage they cannot disagree on the purpose for their marriage and their lives. God called them to Himself and then He called them together to enjoy Him as a couple. The purpose of a Godly marriage is to worship, serve and honor God better as a couple than either could individually. Are you and your partner united around His purpose?

Become one in priorities.

In order to serve God in unity, a couple must share the same priorities. Priorities are the ordering of your values - what is most important to you. You will make your decisions according to your priorities and if you have differing priorities how can you agree? Actually, this is an important consideration prior to marriage. That is a conversation that should be had often during the courting days. The Bible says, "How can two walk together except they agree?" Priorities and purpose are two of the most basic levels of agreement. And, if you share a central purpose your priorities are more likely to agree.

Become one in passion.

Passions are powewrful. Passions arise from an intense positive feeling toward something or someone. Passions determine where your heart and mind will be aimed. Here is a fact about passions, they are so powerful that if you don't control them they will control you! They are so strong that if a married couple do not share the same passions their hearts and minds will drift apart. The consuming passion for any godly marriage must be knowing God, obeying God and serving God. God's Word must fuel the passions of a married couple. A shared passion for God is the strongest glue a marriage can have. Become united in your spiritual passion and your passion for one another will go to a new level.

Become one in perspective.

A final area of agreement should be beliefs. For two to become one they must share the same essential beliefs about God, about the Bible, about church doctrine, and about how those beliefs are expressed in attitudes and actions. In I Corinthians 7, Paul talks about the importance of being united with a believer and prohibits being "yoked with unbelievers". Again, these are conversations that should happen during the courting and dating process. You should not enter a relationship as intimate as marriage thinking you can compromise with your partner's differing beliefs or even worse, planning to change their beliefs. Differing core beliefs should be a deal-breaker.

Unity in marriage is God's design for a couple in order to share in their joy and multiply their joy. You will have a great chance of realizing that goal if you share a common purpose, common priorities, common passion, and common perspectives.

If these important factors don't add up in a marriage, there will be subtraction happening in the relationship that could eventually result in a painful division.

March 24, 2010

"with goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men," Ephesians 6:7

One of the things that makes golf so difficult is that it is so counter intuitive. Everything that would seem to make sense about golf is wrong. It would seem like the harder you swing the club at the ball the further it should go. Not. It would seem that the harder you grip the club the better hold you would have on it the better you should be able to control the shot. Untrue. If you really concentrate all your energy and focus on exactly how you want to execute each shot it should help you play better. Nope!

Golf is a matter of physics. You swing the club in an arc around the body in the direction of the target at a smooth, relaxed, rhythmic speed and let the ball get in the way. If you can do that consistently in a confident frame of mind you can be a good golfer.

Much about being a Christian goes against our nature. Since marriage is a microcosm of the Christian relationship, it too is counter intuitive. If we do what comes naturally we will end up lost and lonely. If we merely "follow our hearts" we will end up in divorce court and Hell. Some might think they are the same thing but they are not.

The human heart longs to be served. So the natural thing is to seek relationships that will serve our needs. We only serve to the extent we have to in order to assure we get served. That self-centered orientation is a prescription for disaster in any close relationship.

So, the Bible teaches us and Jesus demonstrated that the way to lasting, loving and life-giving relationships is to serve. Serve God and in His grace serve others.

It is through His humble service and sacrificial death on the cross that we are able to be saved and brought into relationship with God. What makes you think that you can have an intimate and meaningful relationship with God or anyone else without sacrificially serving?

You can't.

How will you seek God today? How will be choose to serve Him? What sacrificial thing will you do to die to self and come alive in Him? How will you serve your spouse today?

Don't let it be about you today because - it isn't.